


Bittersweet

by Caramel_Illusions



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Codependency, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Loss of Parent(s), Lovers to Friends, M/M, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Modern Era, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person, Platonic Relationships, Romantic Fluff, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, Unhealthy Relationships, self sabotage, sorry Mikasa, well...someone dies....
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramel_Illusions/pseuds/Caramel_Illusions
Summary: This world is cruel.That was a fact Mikasa had come to learn at a young age. A viewpoint that made her into who she was now.But the world wasn't just cruelty.Amongst the bitterness, there was something sweet.She could find beauty, purpose, and love even in this cruel world it was just going to take a while.[Armin x Mikasa]
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss, Future Mikasa Ackerman/Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi/Erwin Smith, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman & Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss, Mikasa Ackerman & friends, Mikasa Ackerman/Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, implied Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager - Relationship, past Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager - Relationship
Comments: 49
Kudos: 86





	1. Starting point

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers. I am not an expert in relationships all my knowledge on relationships is second hand from family and friends. I did do research on this topic, but that does not make me an expert. The experiences you may have had may not be completely reflected in this story, I don’t mind constructive criticism but keep in mind this is still just a work of fiction and one person’s experiences is not the same as another's. 
> 
> As for the Eremika shippers out there. While I personally don’t ship ErenxMikasa. I am not saying this relationship is inherently bad or toxic and you are bad or toxic for liking it. This is simply one perspective, and one take on their relationship.
> 
> It should also be noted I am an anime fan only. I have not read the manga, played AOT games, or seen interviews, etc so all the characterization for this story is mostly derived from the anime and my own headcanons. With all that said I hope you enjoy reading this. Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated! 
> 
> PS: the First chapter starts with death. Sorry, Mikasa.

This world is cruel. 

That was a fact Mikasa had come to learn at a young age. 

A fact she had foolishly tried to deny, hiding from the truth behind a white veil of innocence that was roughly torn away the day the burglars came. She knew then that the world was a ravenous monster that only took and took and rarely gave back. Everything in this world was born only to die.

Given life only for it to be taken away. 

Her father with hair spun of dark gold and eyes as blue and as open and honest as a clear blue sky was the first to be taken that day. The dark maroon of his splattered blood blending into the red flannel of his shirt. Discarded and pushed aside, his body hit the wooden floor with a heavy thud. Only moments ago he was praising her sewing skills and offering a smile so warm and bright it felt like sunshine. His hands large and calloused from all the woodworking he’s done had only moments before been filled with warmth as they patted her head. It took a second maybe less for the world to take her father’s sunshine smile and warm hands away.

Her mother was a talented seamstress with the softest grey eyes that shone like a gentle quartz moon. Her hair was black as night and as soft as silk. She was the second to be taken from her in the same span of time. Grabbing her silver scissors she flew out of her seat in a dash of black. There was a struggle, but not much of one. Her mother was slender and frail and a hard blow to her head rendered her dead in seconds. 

Had it not been for the commotion her mother had created as she attacked the burglar; wild and feral and screaming like a banshee then the boy next door wouldn’t have come brawling in wielding a gun. Mikasa took her mother’s discarded scissors in hand having been shaken to the core. The sliver scissors gleamed and where coated in the red residue left over from the now-dead burglar that laid spewing blood from his jugular. The scissors felt warm...hot even, humming in her trembling hands. The boy with eyes blazing green had caught two of the men by surprise and quickly, much too quickly killed them. The third adult recovering from his terror held the small child by the collar of his red scarf kicking the gun away as soon as it fell from the boy’s hands. He was shouting, the boy was shouting too. 

It was white and red. The white noise of screaming and struggle and the red of the blood, the red of his scarf, the red of his face flushed with rage and the green broke her out of her trance. His eyes strong and reckless and blazing glared at her. They glared at her daring her to rise to the challenge; while at the same time beckoning her to take the bait. To survive. To fight. 

“Fight! You have to fight!”

Yes, she had to fight because if she didn’t then this cruel world would swallow her whole without a second thought. She screamed as the world went bloodshot red, the same color as her father’s blood, as her mother’s blood, red like the boy’s warm scarf. 

She owes him her life. 

He in many ways gave her the strength to fight and for that, she was eternally grateful. Her admiration and thankfulness towards him were ineffable. She vowed that day to return the favor by becoming his strength. She’s never felt so protective of anything ever in her young life and she is sure it must be love. He came in like a knight in shiny armor and whisked her away from the horrible world shielding her from the cruel, cold December wind with his warm red scarf. His act of kindness, of bravery, moved her heart in ways it had never moved before. It was soft and sweet and vulnerable. 

And, it could be taken away. 

The warmth of a scarf could be snatched away at any moment, letting the cold winds of reality ravage her once again. So she had to protect it. Protect _him_ . Give him everything to keep him happy as repayment. He was her scarf, her warmth, her reason to keep living...the reason _why_ she was living. He was warm and soft and a form of protection from the world just like the scarf he gave her ...She wasn’t ever going to let him be taken away from her.

So she’d follow him the same way his shadow did. Consistently behind him. Trailing just a little further behind protectively glancing over his shoulders for any signs of danger. She always made sure to have aspirin and bandaids on her person because he was such a rowdy and reckless individual. Her aunt Kuchel, who had taken her in after the burglary, would often tease her saying she was Eren’s personal nurse. 

Eren. That was the name of her savior. The name of the only person she would ever love.

He was her everything. He had become her world after she lost everything. She never thought to question her devotion. All she knew was that she wanted him to need her like she needed him. She wanted to be useful, like a scarf. She couldn’t bear the thought of being abandoned again. 

That moment back when they were ten years old...when he wrapped his scarf around her. She swears she saw iridescent phosphenes surround them in a nimbus of light and warmth that deeply contrasted the white cold backdrop of winter. It was like what she had read in fairy tale stories.

She felt sweet and pure. 

Mikasa had always been a fan of sweets and she fell in love with that feeling. She would give anything to feel that way again. To feel innocent and warm like chocolate. She was convinced the only way and the only person who could ever make her feel that way again was Eren. It must have been destiny then that they meet on that day. It was meant to be and even as she grew older she held onto that conviction. How can a belief this strong be wrong?

* * *

The night of the burglary he was on edge. Just weeks prior he swore he saw some suspicious people milling around his house in a black SUV. They were tall and huddled in a group with eyes scanning nearby houses. They were up to no good. He could feel it in his bones! When he raised his concerns to his father he reassured him, stating facts about how safe the neighborhood was, how he was friends with a police officer, and how they had the latest house security installed just last month. The little company sign protruding out their yard as proof of their security. The man was too content, too easy to brush him off and that made a small ember in his belly grow hot. Eren was never content with being well...content, not when he could do something. Waiting for something to happen was the way of the coward! You have to take action! 

So that night he readies himself. Arming himself with a small pistol and barley a handful of bullets, just three to be precise. All of which he stole from his father’s basement, without either parent’s knowledge. He snuck downstairs when his father retired to said basement and his mother went to bed upstairs. A scarf wrapped tightly around his neck and coat buttoned up he hid behind one of the bushes just in front of his house, guarding it. 

It was cold...and he wanted to go back inside after only a few minutes, but just then he saw figures approach the next-door neighbor's house. His finger found the trigger and he readied himself...the thought came that it may just be some friends or family members coming to visit but as soon as that door opened that idea was thrown out the wind and when he heard a woman screeching he jumped into action. 

Looking back on it now, he saw how reckless and selfish he had been. He had only been concerned with keeping his own house safe...He was not fully prepared to defend anything else...or anyone else... He ran in gun literally blazing with no plan and no backup...he could have died in vain and he shudders to think would have happened to Mikasa if that had come to pass. 

Eren likes Mikasa, loves her as a brother would a sister. She was a wonderful person but she was flawed in a way his young mind couldn’t really understand. She was strong but she clung to him like weights. She was caring but she wrapped around him like a strangling scarf in mid-June. She loved him but he always felt like it wasn’t genuine...It was hard to describe… There was something in her eyes whenever she directed her love towards him, but it was distant like it wasn’t really directed at him. Like it wasn’t really meant for him. 

And the way she showed her love towards him rubbed him the wrong way...She treats him like a king and delegates herself as a servant. He hates that. Hates how even though she is so strong she is also so very weak. Sometimes she makes him feel weak and frustration starts to build because he doesn’t know how to handle those feelings. No one really showed him how...Oh, wait his mother did. Yes, when she is frustrated she turns red and starts shouting...so that’s what he does and it makes him feel better...slightly...If he shouts she’ll back off, if he pushes back when she tries to push forward she should get the message. That he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Not right now and not with her. He was sure if he didn't reciprocate her feelings she would move on, but that wasn’t the case. 

She was stubborn! She was so very stubborn in her false belief. Mikasa wasn’t a liar by trade but her poker face was unmatched. No one could tell when she was angry or sad or even happy. So lying about her feelings came easily to her. Sometimes she lied so well she believed it and one time she lied so well she made Eren believe it.

The end of Junior High came. It was the last day. She had waited patiently since they were 10, but nothing came from it. Mikasa knew that if she didn’t say anything, nothing would change. _Change never comes to those who wait it comes to those who act._ That is what Eren had taught her, so she took those words to heart. Now was the time to act...It was just a shame he never did anything in all those years, never reciprocated any of her gestures; she likes to believe it was just because he was too prideful to do anything. She _needs_ to believe that…

So that day behind the school’s magnolia tree she confessed. She poured her heart and soul; laid it bare for him and made herself vulnerable for the first time in a long while.

“I think I like you...no I know I must love you...Eren you make me feel strong and I care about you so deeply. I care so much that it hurts...All I want is to be by your side! Would you grant me that wish?” 

He blinked and 15-year-old Mikasa was gone in her place stood a 10-year-old Mikasa with long black hair and a pale worried face hidden behind a large red scarf. She was scared and he made her feel safe. He was strong and he made her strong in return...

His heartbeat quickly. Pitter pattering in a way he never felt before. His head was still reeling and his pulse was rushing. His legs felt like jelly and when he blinked again 15-year-old Mikasa was back still anxiously awaiting an answer… _expecting_ an answer after placing all her expectations on his shoulders...He swallows a nervous wad of spit...She deserves to feel loved, to feel strong. If he made her feel that way then that was good, that meant he was by extension also strong. She loved him. She _said_ she did...But... 

What would she do if he rejected her? Right here, right now…? His shoulders felt heavy and a single word flew out of his dry throat...

“Okay…”

That day Eren and Mikasa started their relationship.


	2. Overall relationship

The first year was like floating on cotton candy.

Airy, unreal but undoubtedly sweet and soft.

For the first time, Eren was actually reciprocating her affections. When she reached for his hand he didn’t pull away. When she drew closer to his personal bubble he would close the distance. It was nerve-racking and they fumbled once or twice stumbling from their inexperience and flustered emotions. It was like traversing a land of pudding with wobbly knees. But, it was nice...She felt sweet and worthy, it was a feeling she could get addicted to. A feeling she was beginning to love more than anything else. 

When she was with Eren the whole world seemed to disappear. No, that wasn't right. It was more like the world came into focus. Eren was her world and he would come into focus whenever he was in her line of sight while everything else blurred away. People, reality, and everything…It was like the outside world didn’t exist, the cruelty of the world just disappeared.

...It was wonderful... 

She knew she could devote her entire being to this one person, to the only person who could make her feel strong and useful. Desires? Eren. Likes? Eren. Hobbies? Spending time with Eren, helping him with anything and everything. Dislikes? Being away from Eren, not being able to be useful to Eren. Career path? Whatever Eren wanted...Oh, he wants to join the army? That’s so very dangerous but how noble of him. She should join and make sure he’s safe.

Eren.

Eren. 

Eren. 

Eren. 

Soft.

Sweet. 

Sweeter still. 

More sweetness. 

More! 

Love her more, appreciate her sacrifices. She’s given up on friendships because who else does she need but Eren? Who else can make her feel this way?

What _she_ wants? What does that matter? So what if she hates the way he picks fights with others? So what if she grows frustrated having to play nurse all the time and reprimand him for his actions like a mother? So what if she feels misunderstood and ignored?

This wasn’t about her.

It was all about Eren and his love for her.

Make him happy, take care of him, protect him from the cruel world.

Make him love you more.

Make him _need_ you.

Soft. 

Warm. 

Sweet…. 

... **_Bitter_ **...

Suddenly it was very bitter…

Like dark chocolate... 

* * *

He looked at her with gentle pine forest eyes.

She was beautiful, always was, that he could admit. She was even more beautiful now that she was happy. But, she only ever seemed content and satisfied when he indulged her. She _needed_ him...so he couldn’t exactly refuse her...Normally he would swat her hands away when she goes to wipe food off his face, but recently he’s let her do as she pleases. He used to shout at her for babying him, now he just quietly mumbles...He was being pampered and he HATED it. He couldn’t _go_ anywhere without Mikasa following him. He couldn’t _do_ anything for himself without Mikasa offering to do it for him. She was suffocating. Whenever he brought it up he just ended up feeling like an ass because Mikasa would get so dejected.

He felt...trapped...like a pampered fat bluebird stuck in a cage wanting nothing more than to fly out into the open blue sky. He wanted his freedom back. He wanted his authority back, his time back...He wanted...himself back...if that made any sense...He wasn’t Mikasa’s. He shouldn’t have to feel this trapped like he doesn’t even own himself...Mikasa doesn’t own him…! No one owns him!! Now he looks at her with cold jade eyes that burn. 

It doesn’t happen overnight... milk chocolate doesn’t become dark chocolate overnight. Warm pine eyes don’t become cold jade eyes overnight...It was gradual and slow like a frog being boiled alive. Because for those first few years it really was as sweet as candy and they really thought it was love. It took time for their relationship to shift from sweet to bitter...but looking back on it now they could pinpoint key events that lead them down this path...After all, the descent into dark chocolate was a process…a process that took four years to complete.

* * *

For their first-ever date, they stumbled onto the agreement that on Sunday they would go to a well-known ice cream shop located downtown. Eren loved trying out new places and Mikasa loved ice cream. So it worked out perfectly as Eren had been wanting to explore more of the downtown area and Mikasa had been craving something sweet for a while now. The ice cream parlor was fairly small, but they had a wide array of ice cream flavors each one more enticing than the last. There were so many choices!

Eren placed a hand on his chin and mused over his decision...Mikasa gazed at him from the corner of her eye adoring the overly serious face he had on right now. 

Finally coming to a decision Eren nodded his head before turning to Mikasa.

“What flavor do you want Mikey?” 

A warmth spread throughout her body as a strange tingle ran up the course of her spine. Reeling in her happiness she was careful to keep her stoic face intact…As soon as her nerves settled down she replies in a cool tone.

“I’ll just have whatever you get.” She responded. She wasn’t really picky. Ice cream was ice cream after all. 

“We both can’t choose the same flavor!” He whined.

She tilted her head ever so slightly in confusion.

“Why not?

“Come on! They have so many flavors here. If we both get the same one we would be missing out!” He retorted.

“Ah...well just chose something else for me.” She replied easily.

He pouted and she let a smile slip. Her smiles were so rare, rarer than diamonds and were as bright as the twinkling stars on a clear midnight sky. A strange sort of bubbly feeling rose up from his chest and he couldn’t help but smile back, pout long gone. 

“Fine, but no complaining!” He groaned with a dramatic eye roll and a small smile.

“Never.”

Eren ended up choosing the roasted strawberries and buttermilk flavor for Mikasa and he himself had opted for the chocolate chili flavor. They walked down the buzzing streets hand in hand happily enjoying their ice creams. Eren’s emerald eyes caught sight of some ice cream splotches on Mikasa's right cheek. Mikasa had opted to not wear her favorite red scarf on the account that it was midsummer and it was crazy hot out today. He snickered. 

“What is it…?” She asked curiously slightly tilting her head to the right her jet black hair swaying with her motion.

It was cute...An idea came to mind. A devious idea. With a sly smirk, Eren leaned in and cheekily licked the ice cream of her cheek. It tasted pretty good.

Red bloomed on Mikasa’s face, her eyes widening in complete shock. A smug smile appeared on Eren’s face as he leaned forward again getting dangerously close and with a teasing tone he asked:

“Are you...blushing?” He could barely contain his snickers. 

“What, no.” She replied quickly turning her head so he couldn't see the rose on her cheeks. 

But it was a moot point. He had already seen it and he was in a teasing mood today.

“Did I get the ever stoic, hardcore, total badass Mikasa to blush?” He faked a gasp leaning into Mikasa’s personal space.

“No...It’s just... the cold.” Was her sorry excuse for the flush in her cheeks. Her ice cream started to melt and whether that was because of the heat radiating off her cheeks or because of the sun she didn’t know.

“It’s like a gillian degrees, you’ll have to try harder than that Mika.” He replied with a snort before finally, _finally_ moving away from her personal bubble. 

“It was..you caught me off guard is all….” She mumbled wanting nothing more than to hide behind her nonexistent scarf. 

“You look adorable when you’re caught off guard.”

Mikasa let out a pathetic squeak of a reply and Eren burst out laughing at the sound.

* * *

Mikasa found joy in working out. When accumulated sweat falls off her chin and her muscles start to ache and groan she feels accomplished. She always pushes herself to go further, to do better, to improve. Becoming faster, stronger, better. To say her workout routine was brutal and demanding would be an understatement and she wouldn’t have it any other way. It helped her clear her head.

She took great care of her body and always made sure to eat healthy, to go to bed at a specific time and wake up at a specific time. She had long ago become a regular at her local gym and whenever she came in she was always greeted warmly by other regulars. Sometimes they would even share secrets and work out tips amongst each other. 

But, it wasn’t until recently that she realized her workout routines and habits took time away from her schedule. Time she could be spending with Eren. So she cut back on it, just a little to make sure she was devoting enough of her time and attention to Eren. She didn’t want him to feel neglected and so she took it upon herself to make her schedule work around his. A part of her, the logical part, advised in talking with Eren so they could work their schedules around each other instead of taking all the burden herself. But another part, a louder part shuddered at the thought of doing that. Instead, offering its own two cents on the matter. 

_“That would be selfish of you to do. Why should Eren have to accommodate for you? Isn’t that unfair? He already has so many other things to worry about like cram school, his part-time job, and getting scholarships for college. He might get annoyed, you know how temperamental he is._

_He’ll think your selfish. He’ll think your annoying. He’ll throw you away if you aren’t useful._

_It would be better if you just work your schedule around his so he doesn’t have to worry about it. That would be useful and a good showcase of your devotion.”_

It was a rather convincing argument. Mikasa thought. She didn’t want to burden her Eren after all. So just for this week, she cleared her schedule completely, just in case Eren wanted to go on a date or anything... _You could ask him out on a date yourself instead of waiting…_ A voice mumbled...She paid it no heed and when Eren later that day asked if she wanted to go have dinner with him Friday she was glad she had paid attention to that loud voice instead of the logical one. 

* * *

Eren vaguely remembers his mother saying that despite knowing his father for years now, there are still many things she doesn’t know about him. He didn’t understand it at the time but as he converses with Mikasa in this warmly lit Italian restaurant he thinks he gets it. 

Mikasa was like a geode, strong and hardy with a boring stone surface hiding a glimmering treasure that was massively more interesting once you broke through that stony exterior. Now that he thought about it they hardly really talked much. Mikasa was a woman of few words and he preferred action over talking. They had conversations and even joked around several times before but this is the first real in-depth conversation they’ve had in a while. He was discovering so many new things about her that he didn’t want to stop talking. He wanted to deepen their understanding of each other. He wanted to know everything there was to know about her. 

Then the topic of careers came about when he casually mentioned wanting to enlist in the Army instead of heading out to college. 

“I think you would make a great personal trainer.” He casually commented in between forkfuls of pasta.

“You think?” She asked the slight flush of her cheeks indicating embarrassment. 

It was cute. All of her micro-expressions were cute.

“Well as long as you don’t make them do your workout regimen. Seriously Mika, I think you have to be part-demigod or something. Even Reiner has trouble keeping up with you!” 

“Pfft... Reiner’s muscles are all show no substance.” She said flatly her eyes glittering as the edge of her lips twitched upwards into a smirk for a semi-second.

He really did appreciate her more nuanced expressions.

“Strength isn't just about the muscles it’s also about your CNS and brain function.” She continued tapping her temple for emphasize.

“Omg...I’m totally telling Reiner you called him stupid!” He said cheekily stifling a laugh. 

“Not what I said, but I don’t disagree.” Was her smooth reply. 

Eren snorted in response. 

After a few seconds Mikasa spoke up again. 

“...Actually, I was thinking of becoming a physical therapist...maybe one that specifically works with kids..”

Eren blinked at the revelation. 

“Really? Why?” He asked curiously. It was the first time Mikasa ever brought up the fact that she wanted to be a PT.

She twirled the straw around her sweet tea causing the ice cubes to clink together. She was thinking. Searching for the right words.

“This world is vicious...one can’t afford to be weak...If you want to survive you have to be strong...I want to help the weak. I want to help make them stronger so they can have a chance in this cruel world...”

A fond smile finds its way onto Eren’s face.

“I think that’s a wonderful goal. You would be a great PT.” 

Her heart fluttered and she pulled at her scarf slightly as a small smile tugged at her lips.

“You saying that..means a lot to me...thank you…”

* * *

Eren could be childish sometimes and that was okay it was part of his charm...But, sometimes she felt less like a girlfriend and more like a mother. Having to wake Eren up for his afternoon cram school and make his lunch definitely boarded the line between girlfriend and mom. 

“Eren…” 

She knocked on his door before walking into his dark bedroom noting the number of scattered articles of clothing on the floor… She left out a sigh of defeat as she bent down to pick them up and put them in the laundry. 

When she came back she saw Eren was currently splayed out on his bed, blanket kicked to the ground and his shirt coyly riding up his stomach showing off his tanned skin. It was weird to see him so quiet...and so vulnerable...He was drooling. Mikasa bit back a giggle raising a fist to bite down on as she held in her amusement. He was so cute. Without much thought, she pulled out her phone and took a quick picture. This was definitely going to be her new lock screen. 

She nudged him gently. He stirred but remained asleep turning over on his side quietly mumbling under his breath.

“Eren..” She cooed leaning closer as she kept shaking his shoulder. 

He grunted and slurred his words.

“Mmmh?” 

“It’s time to get up.”

“I’m hibernating right now go away!” He replied swatting her hand off his shoulder. 

“Eren...You are not an animal and it’s not winter...get up...” 

Her voice was rising in volume from the gentle whisper she used early. It was a warning. A warning Eren promptly ignored.

Standing up Mikasa went to the window and swiftly drew the curtains allowing the blinding sun to fill the room.

“Hey! Close the goddamn curtains!!” He yelled as he covered his face with his arms to avoid the rays of the sun.

“Eren. You need to get up.”

“NO! I’m not getting out of bed!” He whined huddling closer to the side of his bed furthest from the sun. 

Mikasa sighed before making her way back to Eren’s bed

“Alright.” 

“W-wow...Hey, put me down!” Eren exclaimed his face tinting pink as Mikasa picked him up bridal style. 

“Nope.”

“Mikasa..!” He pouted.

She placed her forehead on his intently looking into his vibrant green eyes. 

“Don’t worry, I'm never gonna let you down…”

His eyes widened in realization before narrowing down to a piercing glare. 

“...don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“Just don’t.”

He signed before tentatively placing his head on her shoulder hiding his face in the crook of her neck.

“Thank you for waking me up...I appreciate it, I know I can be a handful in the morning…”

“It’s the afternoon.”

“Oh, shut up…” He groaned drowsily... 

A few seconds of silence befell them before his body went limp...

“Ah..he’s asleep again…” 

_‘Oh well,’_ she thought as she carried him downstairs and placed him on the couch of the living room before making her way to the kitchen. Hopefully, the smell of food would wake him up and lure him in.

.

.

.

He really was like an animal...like a cat..or maybe a really lazy dog..? 

Mikasa spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out what kind of animal Eren was akin to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With school starting today I probably won't be updating this as frequently as I liked which is why this chapter is also a bit shorter.


	3. Bitter

Mindlessly scrolling through his phone the sound of footsteps caught Eren’s attention. He saw a nice pair of long legs, a slim elongated face and an ash brown undercut...It was horse face! He could feel a smile start to tug at the corners of his lips. He raised a hand to get his attention and called out to him using his ‘nickname’ for the blonde. 

(Jean insists it was an insult and not a cute nickname) 

Jean’s usually soft horse eyes seemed to harden over when he spotted him ...He went from walking briskly to a full-on sprint. Running like a majestic horse. 

“Eren you jackass!” Jean screamed before swinging his fist. 

“What the fuck, Jean?!” Eren howled. 

His hand reaching to tentatively touch the side of his head where Jean had socked him. Duly noted that Jean was strong. 

“Just when I was starting to trust you! You betray me!” 

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked around for someone, anyone to explain what the fuck was going on. 

“What are you talking about, horse face?!” 

Eren could feel his blood start to boil. Why did he hit him? It was probably for some stupid reason! Doesn’t he know that it hurts like a motherfucker?! Unsympathetic bastard.

“Mikasa!” 

Now he was just shouting his girlfriend’s name apropos of nothing! 

“What about Mikasa?” He was seething now. 

Someone tell him what’s going on. He was feeling like an idiot. Was that his plan? To make him feel like an idiot? He always felt like a fool when he hung around Jean for too long. 

“You’re dating her!” He shouted. 

“Uhh...Yeah so..?” 

“What do you mean so? You knew I liked her!”

Eren blinked...Jean...liked Mikasa…? Since when…? 

“Hey, hey! Don’t give me that oblivious look! It was obvious! I mean the only reason I hang out with you is because of Mikasa!” 

….oh….

That hurt...That really, _really_ , hurt to hear. It hurt more than when he clobbered him...It felt like something was tearing him apart from the inside out…It hurt...Why would…? He was using him..? His blood ran hot and his skin flushed red...Everything was blurring...Why was it blurring..? A teardrop fell...ah...that’s why...

“...E-Eren…? Are you…?” 

“Y-You..dick!” 

Eren charged forward and made sure to hit Jean across that pretty boy face of his, before booking it...How dare that horseface make him cry! Why was he still crying!?

Furiously rubbing tears out of his face he tried to hold back any more incoming tears. He hated the waterworks. 

_“The only reason I hang out with you is because of Mikasa!”_

**Fuck!**

Just when he thought that maybe they were starting to get along...He thought that maybe Jean didn’t hate him, that maybe he might actually... **_URG!!_ ** He didn’t want to think anymore. He didn’t want to think about Jean, or Mikasa or why he felt so sad when Jean admitted he only hung around him because of Mikasa...What was so great about her anyway?! She wasn’t so great! If Jean knew her like he did....then…

If Jean knew _him_ better then he would know that…

..that... 

**That Mikasa wasn’t better than him!**

He didn’t bring this up to Mikasa. A part of him knew that if he did then whatever relationship the two may have had with Jean would be served without question. It was scary now that he thought about it. How quickly Mikasa was able to cut ties with people simply because of what he may have done or said...and as his seemingly final act of friendship towards Jean he chose to remain quiet on the matter. 

He still wasn’t so sure why he overreacted that way...It felt normal to feel a bit angry towards the blonde as not only did he hit him but he admitted that he had the hots for _his_ girlfriend...but this feeling of disappointment was something new...and unusual...He needed to get his mind off of this. 

“Mikasa let’s go to the fair!”

“Okay…” 

10 minutes into their fair date and already Mikasa was carrying a handful of won prizes. She was so good at everything she did. Always was even as a kid. She was what people called a natural-born prodigy. Quick to learn and quick to perfect. He himself always struggled. It wasn’t that he wasn’t smart it just took a little longer for things to sink in. His mother always did say he had a thick head and an even thicker skull...it seemed for each labored step forward he took Mikasa took two flawless bounds...It must be nice to be a natural-born prodigy never having to work hard or struggle…His grip on her hand tightened slightly…

She looked over at him with a look of fleeting concern.

“Are you feeling alright?” She asked with gentle eyes.

“Hmm...oh yeah!” He replied his train of thought abruptly cut off.

“If there’s anything wrong don’t hesitate to say.” She spoke softly with worried eyes as she interlaced their fingers together.

“Geez, Mikasa quit being such a worrywart I told you I’m fine!” He growled. 

“...ok…”

She’s upset...shit...A half-assed apology was already on his lips when…

_“The only reason I hang out with you is because of Mikasa!”_

The apology died in the back of his throat...

He was always compared to Mikasa by friends, family, and teachers…

They always said Mikasa was better. That she was perfect, well behaved, smart and more mature...He should consider himself very lucky to have her as a friend and as a girlfriend...She was strong and attractive and it made sense that Jean would fall for her...But...he was strong to! Just as that thought crossed his mind he spotted a high striker strongman game. He made his way over and Mikasa happily followed him their hands still interlocked together. 

He was going to win. He was going to win something for Mikasa! He was going to prove he was just as strong as she was...that they were equal…! Taking the hammer in his hands he felt strength course through him.

“Which one do you want?” He asked with a confident smile. 

“Hmm...I’m fine with whatever you get me…” She responded after lazily surveying the prizes available. 

She truly didn’t care, just the fact that Eren got it for her was enough. 

Eren pursed his lips in thought with a slight frown…Was she always like that? Always so...unconcerned and dispassionate? Was that the word he was looking for…? Shaking his head he didn’t care to dwell too much on that thought. He had more pressing manners to deal with like winning this carnival game. He glanced at the prizes that were at the very top and ignored all the ‘loser’ prizes…

There were a lot of large cute plushies, most being from well-known franchises like Pocket Monster...Mikasa loved cute things, had a certain weakness towards them, but she didn’t like video games… Knowing all this he, for whatever reason, decided he wanted to get the chibi plushie of the Rogue Titan from the ‘Attack On Titans’ game he and Jean always played together. 

“Alright..!”

Pumping himself up he lifted the hammer high in the air ready to strike the dumb carnival game with everything he had. There was no way he was holding back! Bringing the hammer down with all the force he could muster his green eyes eagerly watched the red indicator fly up and just reach the half-way mark before it started to come back down...along with his heart. A knot started to form at the back of his throat as something akin to disgust and rage began to fill his belly.

“Congratulations Sir you may choose one of the lower to mid-tier end prizes!” 

He barely registered that sentence...congratulations..? Was he fucking joking? Congratulations for what!? Sucking at life?! Congratulations on being second best! Congratulations on being a weak little shit who couldn’t win a dumb carnival prize for his stupid perfect girlfriend! Congratulations his ass! 

“I want to try again.” He said gritting his teeth...He was surprised he hadn’t shouted it out as every fiber of his being began to vibrate with hot ire. 

“Eren if you want a certain prize I can get it for you.” Mikasa suggested gently pulling the hammer out of his hands…

She walked up toward the front of the game...

_Stop…_

Blankly looked at the prizes and pointed at the rogue titan.

“That one right..?” 

_Why are you doing this…?_

Despite not getting an answer it seemed like Mikasa was going to go through with it. She grabbed the hammer with both hands…

_Don’t...you dare..._

Lifting it easily over her head…

_I was supposed to do it...I’m strong!_

She brought it down with a force no mortal should have.

_I...I...I’m just as s-strong as-_

The bell not only rung it was almost torn clean off the wooden board, screws and all...It hung desperately off its last remaining screw still moving back and forth from the momentum.

...Something cracked deep inside him...splintering and shattering as if Mikasa herself had taken a hammer and rammed it through…

“OH MY GOD! That was amazing! Little lady remind me not to get on your bad side. Haha.” 

“The prize please.”

“Oh of course! You can either pick one from the top tier, two from the middle tier or three from the lower tier.”

As the exchange went on Eren could only watch as something started to bubble in the pit of his stomach. It was vile and hot seeming to course through his veins and up to the flush of his cheeks...He bawled his fist his nails digging into the flesh of his palm…

“This was the one you had your eye on right..?” She asked shyly holding up the prize he wanted to win…

He bit the inside of his cheek and simply nodded before taking the plush from her hands holding it in a vice grip...as if strangling the poor thing….Oh, he wanted to do more than just strangling; he wanted to rip it’s stupid head off! Quietly with head bowed down in embarrassment and fingers digging into the soft fabric of the doll he muttered a quiet thanks…

“Anything for you.” She said before placing a soft kiss on his red cheeks. 

He felt bile rise up from the back of his throat. 

* * *

It seemed like old habits die hard.

She reached for his hand and he pulled it away.

She leaned in to kiss him on the lips and he turned his head so she would kiss his cheek.

It was...frustrating...to say the least. She thought they were past this…

She pulled and he pushed. 

He’d withdraw and her grip would tighten. 

Why?

Did she do something wrong? She must have made him mad somehow...She had to make it up to him! This was her fault. She wasn’t giving him enough attention. She wasn’t appreciating him enough. Her efforts were lacking so she had to do more!

Reinforcing her efforts she devoted all her attention and time into maintaining their relationship by making him happy. So why? Why is he still pushing her away?! It was so confusing. It didn't make a lick of sense. What did she do? What was she _failing_ to do?! She was doing everything she could to make him happy. She was making his lunch, she was cleaning his room, doing his laundry, buying him gifts, scheduling his appointments, fixing her schedule around his, she even tired joining in on his gaming sessions! She was doing everything she could think of! 

**Why wasn’t it enough!?**

Why wasn’t _she_ enough…?

She just wanted to feel loved, to feel useful. What was he expecting of her? When will he be satisfied?! 

_Why was he so selfish?!_

No, that’s not right. It wasn't that he was selfish. He just expected more from her because he thought so highly of her. Because he thought she was dependable and trustworthy. It was selfish of _her_ to feel so inadequate when all he was asking for was just a little bit more effort. Trying a little harder wouldn't kill her.

She just had to do more. 

She would find a way. She _had_ to. Maybe doing his homework for him? He always hated history… She could also make study notes for him since he was failing biology… Yes, that was it! Surely she wasn’t being generous or thoughtful enough. That’s why he didn’t give her any more of his sweet smiles or gentle kisses. That had to be it!

“Quit being such a mom Mikasa!” He yelled as she moved to clean his face slapping her hands away. 

“I’m not a baby so leave me alone already!” He continued with a glare. 

The back of her hands stung from where he hit them and she simply gave him an apology in return.

"Why do you always have to nag me? Just give it rest." He huffed turning his attention back to his video games and away from her.

She knew if she interrupted him again while he was playing he would only get more mad so she quietly began to pick up the empty chip bags and fallen bottles of Mountain Dew, mindful of the screen. She hoped he at least would appreciate this small token of her affection, even just a thank you would be enough. But, he didn't even seem to notice his tunnel vision rendering him blind to her thoughtful actions. So when she pulled the cord on his TV _accidentally_ in order to vacuum she was glad he was finally taking notice of her even if he was only shouting about how he lost the game. What he said was of no matter at least he was looking at her now and that was enough...

The oppressive feeling of being watched had started back at the cafe when he sat down with his friends. The heavy sensation followed him all throughout the day afterwards but every time he turned to check who was sizing him up he found nothing. Was he just going crazy? Was he being paranoid? His friends sure seemed to think so ragging on him for ruining the mood with his nervous foot taping and shifting eyes. Mina was the only one who seemed worried about him reaching over to place a comforting hand on his arm to calm his nerves.

The sound of something cracking caught his attention and from the corner of his eyes he saw a familiar flash of black and red. He gritted his teeth and excused himself feeling like an absolute fool for being worried over nothing. Here he was worrying about his and his friend's safety when it was just his dumb girlfriend tailing him. Why the fuck was she tracking him down? He already told her where he was going and with who. Did she not believe him?

“Are you a stalker or something? You’re fucking creeping me out.” He seethed when he found her hiding behind a tree.

“Do you really **not** trust me that much?” He demanded with an expression that was equal parts betrayed and equal parts angry. 

When she didn't respond immediately he merely gave her the finger. "Don't fucking follow me! In fact don't talk to me for all of today I don't want to see your face." 

“I’m not stupid! Stop acting like you're better than me!” He shouted. 

So what if he wasn't the best at Biology, that didn't mean he was incompetent. She talked to him with a monotone voice and with such a bored expression on her face it boarded on exasperated. Was she bored? Frustrated that he was failing to grasp what was _obviously_ such a simply concept for her? He couldn't quite tell but neither of those two options made him feel especially good about himself. 

"Just cause I wasn't born perfect doesn't mean you have to treat me lesser than." He grumbled. 

She simply apologized and they continued their study session. 

Every word was sharp and jaded. He cut her down, striking her with words over anything he could. Made an argument for every sweet gesture she did and picked a fight wherever he could. She never saw any reason to fight back against him so he always ‘ won ’. Every squabble, every snide remark, and every petty fight was won by him when she backed down. 

However, she still tried to do more, still tried to find that sweetness. He was a good person. For every word that slashed across her frail heart, there was a soft pair of hands that clumsily put it back together. Every glare was accompanied by a bittersweet kiss and every snide or rude remark was met with quiet apologies later... It was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Cold, then hot. Bitter then sweet.

The distant taste of sweetness still lingered in her tongue faint and delicate...She always came back for it ...for just a taste of it like a fly drawn to honey…

He, in turn, always apologized because he knew that what he said hurt her, cut her so deep that her heart would start to bleed...He often felt guilt and shame run up his body grounding him back to reality. Forcing him to have to see the consequences of his actions.

There was disgust in feeling victorious whenever he easily got her to back off and he hated that just the sight of her crescent fallen face was enough for him to yield in turn...And yet another part of him was also mad at her for submitting to him so easily. With shoulders slumped and eyes downcast in a shameful mournful gaze he kept his jaw locked as a grimace overtook his face…

Walking down the lonely desolate street he kicked a stone that was in his way watching as it flew across the pavement before hitting the ground...It’s been almost four years now...soon both he and Mikasa would be graduating from high school...The foreboding pressure of that event just worsened his already bad mood. Jeez, everything was just... so shitty…

“...Hey, been a while.” A light smack on his head snapped him out of his stupor. 

His surprised expression quickly changed into a grimace.

“What the fuck do you want know jackass?” He growled, turning his whole body to face the blonde. 

This was all Jean’s fault! Everything was perfect till he decided to open his big stupid mouth! 

Jean shifted his weight and scratched the back of his head sheepishly all the while trying to avoid direct eye contact.

“Okay yeah, I kind of deserved that after...last time…”

“Answer my fucking question or screw off!” 

“Will you shut your impatient ass up! I’m trying to fix things!” Jean shouted.

Fix? What was there to fix? What could he do? He was the reason this mess even started! He should just stop meddling in other people’s lives! 

“I like you, okay…”

Whatever fury he contained in his body suddenly vanished floating away in puffs of steam leaving behind a bewildered face…

“W-What I mean is...You’re not...a complete jerk and I do consider you a friend..my best friend actually and...I miss you..” He mumbled the last part cheeks a bright red as he avoided Eren’s green gaze.

“...thank I guess…” The words tumbled out quietly, softly almost inaudible…

The anger hadn’t completely dissipated it still grew hot in his stomach but there was something else...dissatisfaction? 

Why?

Oh yeah probably because this didn’t change the fact that his relationship with Mikasa was sinking faster than the titanic. 

“W-well it’s late now so we should-”

“Is that it?” 

“Huh?”

“Is. That. It?” 

“Eren? What do you want from me?” He ran a frustrated hand through his golden locks, letting out a sigh. 

What did he want? 

“...” He bit his lip in thought as he bawled his fist in frustration….

Why was everything so confusing? He hated it; hated feeling angry and sad and pathetic. Was everything his fault? No! It couldn’t be, he had done nothing wrong.

“I-It’s your fault…!” He managed. Feeling the words burn the back of his throat…retribution from how untrue those words were.

“My fault? Eren what the fuck are you on about?” 

“It’s your fault we’re like this..! If you hadn’t said anything!” 

Jean was a lot of things but he wasn’t an idiot...most of the time...he was able to connect the dots and he knew Eren was just looking for a scapegoat...Something to direct his anger to that wasn’t himself...He hated seeing his friend like this...

“I’m sorry you think that...Regardless if I had said something or not...the fact that something that small caused all of this probably means it really wasn’t meant to be….” Jean let out a sigh…

It was dark and it was getting cold and they didn’t really have time to hold a fucking therapy session outside on his neighborhood's street corner. 

“Listen, do you still have my number?”

Eren reluctantly told him that yes, he still had his number.

“Eren...I’m not an expert in relationships by any means...but if you ever want to vent or some shit just text me...Better yet call me and we can hang out like old times…”

He placed a comforting hand on Eren’s shoulder. Eren stiffened at the warm contact...his heart stuck in his throat...Why did Jean always have to be so reasonable?

“...Fine...” He grumbled.

“You know this isn’t just Mikasa’s fault right? So stop emotionally abusing her. She’s my friend to you know.” 

After saying his last piece Jean gave his friend a few hearty slaps on the back before making his way home casually waving goodbye as he walked away….

He felt a knot form at the back of his throat as the word Jean said rang in his ears…

E-emotional abuse…?


	4. Resolution??

Something…

...wasn’t right…

  
  


That much was obvious…

  
  


Something felt…

  
  


...Wrong…

  
  


But he could not access where the issue lied.

Did it lie in him?

Or

In her?

Or perhaps it was neither and he was correct in issuing the blame to a third party. 

This was his first and _only_ relationship. His inexperience was starting to show through...Could this really be abuse…? Was he emotionally abusing her..? 

His stomach turned and knotted as hot bile threatened to come up from his throat, body flushing hot with shame at the thought...This felt too personal to talk to someone about...moreover he was too afraid that they would confirm that he was indeed emotionally abusing his best friend/girlfriend…

So he turned to the internet to find answers, to find solutions. 

Hiding away in his room with the door closed he opened up his laptop...

It almost felt like he was doing something wrong the way he was covertly seeking out this information behind Mikasa’s back in a dark locked room...The computer booted up and he opened the search browser. He stared at the open browser his fingers locked into position as something akin to rigor mortis set in…

He was scared….

Too scared to type…

Too scared to find the answers and what they would intel…

He _hated_ feeling scared…

His eyes narrowed in anger at the sight of his scared reflection on his computer screen. 

  
  


_Don’t be pathetic! Why are you wussing out? You know this isn't healthy!! Push through it, you coward! Or would you rather lay down and die?!_

  
  


Suddenly his fingers flew across the keyboard hitting each key with reckless abandon and excessive force. He had typed ‘signs of a dysfunctional relationship’ in all caps misspelling both the words dysfunctional and relationship. 23,400,000 results popped up in less than a second...alongside an autocorrect. He dry swallowed ...but his determination was unwavering. He was going to fix this. He had to fix this! Mikasa wasn’t going to do anything about it, it had to be him. He had to take action...so he delved into hundreds of sites and it only took a couple of minutes for him to find his answer.

  
  


_Codependent_.

  
  


The word stared back at him in mockery. His eyes flew across the screen taking in all the information. Website after website, article after article, Reddit posts, even goddamn Tumblr posts. He would take anything at this point. 

They all said something similar. He was starting to grasp a vague idea of what was going one with Mikasa and him. It wasn’t exact...but it was uncannily similar. 

The codependent person, in this case, Mikasa, feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making drastic sacrifices for — the enabler ergo him. This is so because the codependent person’s sense of self and purpose in life is heavily tied to the enabler. Their identity, values, and even personality will get chipped away until all that remains is the ‘relationship’. Likes dislikes and even their feelings all get shoved into the back burner never to be seen again.

It fit to a T. 

Eren must then have been the enabler. But, he was only enabling her because he thought that was what would make Mikasa happy! He felt like he was responsible for her happiness. She placed her happiness on his back and the weight in between his shoulders only grew heavier with time.

In any case...despite the motivation behind his actions, despite his intent he was still enabling her, allowing her destructive behavior to flourish to its extremities. 

On the subject of destructive behaviors whilst searching for the root problem in their relationship, Eren had come across quite a few terms that helped outline the vague swirling storm of emotions he’s been recently feeling. He wasn’t going to place too much faith in the words of a few online articles or yahoo answers and stubbornly refused to self diagnose himself with anything in particular as he was not a professional in the area. But the term he thought most accurately captured his current mental and emotional state was the term, inferiority complex…

It certainly explained his behavior around Mikasa; His need to prove himself. His anger over being infantilized. His disgust in himself whenever he wasn't good enough... All of which was only exemplified by his natural short temper. 

_I guess what Jean said was true it’s not just Mikasa’s fault…._ Eren solemnly thought. 

In the end, they were both to blame for the state of their relationship. 

But no longer! He was going to nip this in the bud and if that meant cutting off the relationship as well, then so be it.

* * *

It was now or never. He couldn’t keep delaying the inevitable any more than he could delay the sun from rising on this dreaded day ...A soft panic settles onto his body like a chemical blanket; his muscles winding up with tension…A part of him didn’t really want to do this, wasn’t really ready to do this…

_I should at least give her a chance_ , he thinks.

_Maybe a test...? Yes...A test!_

And depending on what Mikasa says he’ll go through with his pre-planned decision…

Everything was going to be fine now…

It had to be…

_Can u come over 2nite?_

**Read** 21:00

Was what he texted her on a Wednesday night. It was a late and selfish request because he knew she had wanted to try a local Zumba class that she heard about that night. This was test number one. 

Not even two seconds later she replied.

_On my way._

**Sent** 21:00

He clutched his phone and whether that was done out of annoyance or anxiety or anger he didn’t know. Maybe it was all three…

So far not so good…

Only a few minutes later he heard the sound of a car pull up on his driveway and he went to unlock the front door. His mother and father had gone out on a dinner date and wouldn’t be back for a while. Good. They would need privacy.

“Hey, Eren.” 

It would have been a casual greeting if she hadn’t said it with so much love that it overflowed and dripped of each syllable. Barley had he opened the door and she was already beaming throwing her arms around his neck in a quick embrace before placing a tender kiss on his cheek. Knowing what he knows now, he wonders if she even likes all this physical affection or if she was simply doing it because she thought he liked it. Her every action made his ears ring with doubt...

Does she do things because she _wants_ to or because she feels like she _needs_ to? Did _she_ even know the answer to that question?

“What’s wrong, babe?” She asked pulling away when he remained stoic as if he were lost in thought. 

“O-Oh! Nothing just… I was thinking about what kind of toppings you’d like on your pizza?” He asked.

Oh, so that’s what he was thinking about. How kind and generous of him to think of her.

“Hm...I’ll just have the same as you.” She responded casually as she took off her shoes before heading further inside the house. Aunt Kuchel had drilled that rule into her head by now. 

Eren frowned at her response...She always said stuff like that...Was it because she wasn’t picky or because she wanted to hand her autonomy to him? 

“No.”

Mikasa blinked…tilting her head in confusion.

“No..?”

He faltered.

“Well...I mean... It’s because I’m getting pineapple on mine!” He said trying to make a smooth recovery. Trying to hide his nerves...hopefully successfully. 

He tried to gauge her reaction, but Mikasa’s face didn’t change.

“That’s fine.” 

A hot surge of irritation flew across his body, his left eye almost twitching...composed...he had to stay composed...

“You better eat it then.” He said perhaps a bit too sternly. Quickly he spoke to fix his mistake.

“You know how I feel about wasting food.” 

“Of course.” She spoke dutifully as if she were a knight addressing her king.

A short silence befell them.

“I’ll go order the pizzas then, just wait for me in the living room. Put a movie or documentary or whatever on. I don’t care.” He said pulling his cellphone out from his back pocket. 

“Isn’t there anything, in particular, you’d like to watch?” She asked as she made her way to the living room. 

“I don’t care.” 

“I can order the pizzas if you want.”

He gritted his teeth.

“No it’s fine I got it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“I can call, it's no big deal. I’ll pay for them too if you'd like.” 

“I got it.”

“I insist.” 

“No, seriously it’s fine.”

“Don’t worry it’s not an inconvenience.”

"It's fine, Mikasa."

"Do you want me to order it from Dominos or Pizza Hut?" She asked already getting her phone out.

"Mikasa, I said it's fine. I got it."

"Eren, no need to trouble yourself. I can order and you can choose the movie."

“Mikasa it’s just fucking pizza let me do this stupidly easy task!” He barked back. “...sorry...I just...really want to do this on my own.” He mumbled…

“Oh...ok…” She sounded hurt…

He almost wanted to rescind his previous statement and let her just order the stupid pizzas...but the words codependent and enabler flew across his head and he stood his ground. This was for the good of both of them he reminded himself. 

With the pizzas ordered they settled themselves on the couch. They sat side by side shoulders grazing each other as Mikasa scrolled through the entirety of Netflix with a bored expression… Okay, it was now or never...This was the big question...The big test…

“So...I meant to tell you earlier but you know with school and stuff…” He started off with.

Abandoning her search for a movie she turned to face him nodding in understanding completely transfixed by his words. The way she looked at him...like he was the world...he couldn’t help but get some joy from her loving gaze. He would be lying if he said it didn't make him feel special.

“Yeah...So...I took my Oath of Enlistment last Saturday.”

“...I...see…” 

He gulped…

He’s known Mikasa for a long time so he’s pretty confident in being able to read her facial expressions...but even he couldn’t tell what she was thinking right now…. She was deathly silent and he wasn’t sure if she was mad that he didn’t invite her to accompany him to his Oath ceremony along with his family or if she was hurt by being excluded from his life for such an event ...Not knowing what she was feeling made him nervous...so nervous he could die...His words got momentarily stuck in his throat and he simply nodded before continuing to speak.

“I’m enrolled for DEP so I’ll start basic training right after graduation..” He continued turning to stare at the tv screen pretending to scroll through show listings. 

“Eren…” 

“..Yes?” He turned to face her steeling his nerves for what could happen. He’s pretty sure a slap from her would blow his whole head off…

The expression she made was not one he had calculated...She was pouting...Mikasa Ackerman the most stoic and badasses woman in the world was pouting like a dejected puppy. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner.” She whined.

Whined! Mikasa whined!? What has the world come to?

“H-huh?”

“We could have gone through the enlisting process together. I wanted to go through basic training with you.”

He blinked as a tick started to form on his forehead. Enlist together? Join the army together?

“Didn’t you want to be a physical therapist?!” He accused seemingly offended by her statement.

“Well...I did… but I’d rather be with you! Plus being in the army is dangerous and knowing you, you’ll want to be out on the front lines. I would feel a lot better if I was there to protect you.” She said brandishing a happy smile.

Red.

All he could feel or see was red. Everything she said just added fuel to his growing fire. She was giving up on her dream because of what? Because she thinks he’s weak? Because she wants to feel useful by making him feel like shit? How dare she… **How** **fucking** **dare** **she!?** He opened his mouth to shout something but…

_“You know this isn’t just Mikasa’s fault right? So stop emotionally abusing her…”_

He shut his mouth so fast he almost bit his tongue off.

He took a deep breath through his nose trying to crush the burning fire in his soul. Tried to squash the anger in him and soon he reduced it to a simmer which was probably as calm as he could reasonably get himself right now ...He gave her chance...she didn’t take it… If things went on as they were they would both crash and burn. So summoning every last inch of self-control he could muster from his body he breathed out a puff of air to ease his nerves. 

He stood up from where he was sitting and quietly made his way over to the kitchen before returning a few seconds later with a cream-colored letter in hand.

“What are you…”

He shoved the letter of acceptance in front of her face.

“Mitras's letter of acceptance..” He stated matter of factly. 

“I found it in your trash.” He continued.

.

.

.

“Eren I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” 

Oh, but she did.

“Three years ago you said you wanted to be a physical therapist. Two years ago you started applying for scholarships to help you through college. Just this year you sent out your applications for all three colleges of your choice and they all responded back with a resounding welcome.” 

“...”

“So why was this in the goddamn trash?!” 

“Because all I want is to be with you. Remember? I told you four years ago that it was my wish and it hasn’t changed. Eren you make me feel so strong and pure. Like I’m worth something. I love this feeling...and I love you...So why won’t you just let me do this for you?”

“ **BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO END UP HATING YOU!!** ” He erupted. 

.

.

.

“I….I’m sorry I shouldn’t have yelled...It’s just…”

“Eren...I’m so sorry! What can I do to make you feel better?! Tell me what to do!” 

Why was she so frantic now? Why was the world blurring again? Why was he shaking? 

Oh.

He was crying again. Dammit! 

“I can’t keep doing this! I **hate** this so much! Please stop...I just...I need a break…” he stuttered out his voice changing its pitch and tumbling over quiet sobs. 

“...Y-You’re b-breaking up...with me?” 

He covered his eyes with his hand as the tears freely fell from his watery eyes. He couldn’t keep looking at her. He didn’t want to see what expression she was making right now. He could barely stand hearing her sound so dejected and sad.

“Yes! Well...No…! it’s just…Give me a moment…”

.

.

.

“I’m not breaking up with you...I think we just need a break...I have some stuff to work on. It’s the kind of stuff that you can’t help me with. Okay? It’s something only I can do.”

“So...what...should I do then?” 

She sounded so lost.

“I would say do what you want but you’ll probably just say you want to be with me or some shit...so this will be the last time I give you any orders. You will go to Mitras University and get your pre-med degree. You will do it perfectly as _usual_ and you will NOT contact me in any way shape or form.”

“What?! Eren...you can’t be serious… not even a text or letter or anything?”

“You can text me all you want but I probably won’t even be able to reply. No phone calls and definitely no letters…This is for the best just trust me on this!”

“...for how long…?”

“Uhh…” 

He didn’t think this through. What was an appropriate amount of time for this kind of thing? What were the rules and guidelines? Oh, fuck it when has he ever followed those.

“I don’t know a year. Just until I’m done with my training.” 

“I... don't want to do this...but I’ll wait for you!”

That was not a comforting statement even if she meant it to be one.

_*ding dong*_

Oh! 

The pizza was here. 

“I’m gonna get the pizzas now. Please choose a movie by then.”

“...Alright.”

The rest of the night was spent watching the movie Fast and the Furious while sitting at the opposite ends of the couch from each other begrudgingly eating pineapple pizza, the worst kind of pizza in Eren’s opinion.

It was too salty for his taste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Who's ready for more angst? The angst train ain't stopping anytime soon. Choo choo!
> 
> Author Secret:
> 
> Mitras University is a private illustrious Ivy league school based on an amalgamation of Yale and Harvard.


	5. Beginnings of apathy

She found it difficult to describe how she was feeling right now...because she couldn’t feel at all.

  
  
  
  
  
  


There was nothing left to feel.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There was nothing left.

  
  
  
  
  


Nothing left.

  
  
  
  
  


Nothing...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Nothing but the void that enveloped her mind in swirling darkness. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Morning came and went. As did graduation day just like any other pointless day. With a piece of paper in hand given to her by her high school that signified she was at least worth minimum wage and her heavy luggage packed she was ready to leave for college. 

“Oh...just look at you...Mei would be so proud.” Kuchel admired placing a hand over her heart as tears pricked the corners of her eyes threatening to spill over. 

Little Mei’s daughter, her, Mikasa has grown up to be such a lovely and strong person. 

“Promise to call home every once in a while okay?” She urged tucking a strand of Mikasa’s jet black hair behind her ear. 

The girl with soulless eyes simply nodded in acknowledgment…

That thousand-yard stare made her worry. Her niece’s grey eyes lacked emotion, lacked purpose and she doesn’t know why.

“Is...Eren coming?” Mikasa inquired softly looking through her aunt as if she were a ghost.

The coldness she extruded was palatable and Kuchel slightly flinched back….

“I believe he already left for his basic training you know how he is. Always eager and heading into things headfirst without warning.”

“I..see…” 

“Oh don’t worry honey I’m sure he wanted to see you head out! He’ll probably send you a text or something of the like. Technology sure is great isn’t it?” She spoke adamantly with a tired smile. She truly hoped what she was saying would help her niece. 

“I have to get going.” 

“O-oh...Yes, Yes your right you don’t want to miss your flight! My son, Levi will meet you at the airport, he has always been short for his age...Oh! Don’t tell him I said that. He’s a sensitive boy you know. In any case, he has black hair in an undercut, grey eyes and looks like a cute grumpy cat!”

“Ok….”

  
  
  


“Mikasa!”

  
  
  


“Hmm…”

  
  
  


Warm…. 

  
  
  


Mikasa blinked in confusion a small sound of surprise escaping her lips as she felt her aunt’s frail slender arms wrap themselves around her neck tightly. Holding on to her for dear life as if trying to instill in her a sense of purpose and warmth.

“Good luck.” She whispered…

She was so frail….but she was so warm too.

Slowly Mikasa returned the hug a small blush adorning her cheeks and her eyes briefly gleamed with life.

Once Kuchel pulled away she was finally all set to leave and when she did the world seemed to pass by in a blur. She only ever realized she was on an airplane when the sound of the engine roaring broke her out of her daze…momentarily at least. 

Now she’s at the airport trudging along with her luggage and emotional baggage.

This was it… 

She just had to wait a year…

She could do that…

“Hey...”

This was...just a test...To see if she truly loved him. 

“Hey, hey.”

What was a year compared to a lifetime spent being next to him?

…!

Was that a ball of paper? She stared at the fallen crumpled piece of paper that had just hit her in the face. There was something elegantly written on it but she couldn’t read it. Two pairs of polished jet black business shoes made their appearance above the ball of paper. Slowly she raised her head. 

“Finally got your attention huh?” A tired deep voice grunted.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Pick up the damn trash and throw it away.” 

_“..he has black hair in an undercut, grey eyes and looks like a cute grumpy cat!”_

Oh. So this was Levi...he was…

“Well, what are you looking at, brat?”

A tiny jerk. 

...

“...nothing…” She mumbled. Obediently bending over to pick up the ball of paper. 

“Well, let’s go.”

Without ceremony or a real welcoming, she numbly followed the shorter man through the crowded airport. 

…

She wonders what Eren is up to… 

Wonders if he ate anything. If he was safe…

Her phone burns a hole in the pocket of her jeans and her hand itches to open the messenger app on it so she could text Eren…

  
  


_Good morning. How are you? Have you eaten anything?_

**Sent** 9:00

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She stared at her phone…waiting…

  
  
  
  


He wasn’t responding...

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, we’re here.” 

Levi’s voice broke her out of her depressed stupor. Blankly blinking she raised her head and directed her eyes away from her phone to face her cousin’s abode. It was a large gleaming apartment complex with spotless windows that redirected the glare of an arrogant sun.

“Alright let’s go.” He sighed as he took the luggage from her hands easily carrying it in one hand while opening the door for her with the other. 

Instead of responding she simply nodded. 

His apartment flat was rather spacious and impeccably clean. Color, was kept to a minimal with only hints of dull green and blue in a sea of monochrome. There was not one speck of dust in the area. In fact, there were no signs of it even being lived in. Casually placing his black button-up coat on the hangar by the door, he took his sleek business shoes off and walked in and she followed behind mimicking his actions. 

The door opened up to a small hallway like entrance, to the right of which was an even smaller laundry room that had just enough space for a washing machine, a dryer, and a closet. A little further down was a decently sized bathroom complete with a shower. There was a bedroom right next to it, big and spacious and oddly enough filled with a lot of blue amongst a sea of white...Before she could see more he closed the door and with a silent glare, his message was clear. His room was off-limits.

“Your room is over here.” He directed.

Her room was directly across from his and was slightly smaller but just as clean. Nothing really stood out to her about this room; it was just a room. Grey and white with a small desk overlooking a window, a full-sized grey bed with a nightstand on each side, a big closet and even a walk-in bathroom that looked identical to the one she passed by before. 

“Thanks.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Did Ursula steal your voice or some shit?” He scoffed lazily leaning on the door frame as silence overtook them. 

“...” 

Silently she started unpacking and paid him no heed. He grimaced and made to walk away but then a loud guttural sound overtook the quiet apartment. A haughty smirk overtook his worn features.

“Hey now don’t be making all that noise kid neighbors might complain.” He teased.

She clenched her teeth slightly biting her tongue as a feeling of embarrassment washed over her. Her numb heart palpitating with low ire. 

Seeing as she still wasn’t responding Levi let out an audible sigh his shoulders sagging with something akin to tiredness and annoyance. He had hoped the kid his mother so adamantly talked about wouldn’t be a nuisance but she was way too stoic and quiet for his liking.

“What, did you get dumped or some shit?”

He watched her shoulders tense. Wow, was that really it? So pointless. 

“....I wasn’t dumped…” She mumbled.

Because technically she wasn’t they were just taking a quote _break_ unquote. 

“Tch whatever. If you’re hungry there’s leftover spaetzle in the fridge otherwise just starve in silence, will you? I need a nap.”

With that, he was gone.

Not even a day and she was already hating it here. She wouldn’t be feeling this way if she was with Eren...Speaking of which...she pulled out her phone and found no new messages aside from Aunt Kuchel asking if she had a safe flight over….

He really meant it ...about not texting back...Well, that shouldn’t have come as such a surprise. After all, whenever Eren sets his mind on something he always goes through with it; besides she doubts the military allows free cell phone usage. 

Her stomach rumbled again, but this time it was accompanied with a sharp hunger pang that spiked through her body. Eat was what her body was telling her. 

Eat. 

She collapsed on the plush bed and decided to just sleep it off. Now wasn’t the time to eat. The jet lag was finally catching up to her causing her body to grow increasingly heavy. She had to be ready for what was to come. She had to be perfect...for Eren...So she would need all the rest she could get…

It's only a year…

Only a year…

With heavy eyelids and a heavier heart, Mikasa fell into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday today! But instead of getting a gift I'm here to give YOU one. :)
> 
> Depressed and dejected Mikasa is back at it again and next chapter she ain't getting any better I'll tell you that.


	6. Routine

When classes finally began she was oddly a little relieved. Happily welcoming the distraction. Most of her days before then were spent either isolated in her room idly resting on her bed while she stared at her phone, working as a newly minted personal trainer, or restlessly cleaning her room per her cousins insisted requests. At the very least now she had more things to do. She had more distractions and a routine she could get lost in.

Her alarm goes off early in the morning around 6:45 but she doesn’t get out of bed till 7 as she spends those first few minutes sending a good morning message to Eren fruitlessly waiting for a reply. She knows none will come but she holds onto hope and when she receives no reply or any indication that he’s even read her message she with a disappointed sigh finally gets out of bed to start her day.

Breakfast is always done and ready for her, as surprisingly Levi knew how to cook. She had assumed upon first meeting him that he only ever ate out and never bothered cooking for himself as the kitchen held no signs of use. But that wasn’t the case. He rarely ordered take out and was very frugal with his money never wanting to spend more than he had to. As for why the kitchen was so spotless and untouched she quickly realized he was a major clean freak and germaphobe. He always carried around a bottle of hand sanitizer and was not above corporal punishment if his standards of cleanliness were not met. The bastard.

In any case her food would be left out for her and she would eat it alone. Levi worked for some big cleaning company or whatever, the details of which she had not bothered asking about as it didn’t really concern her. Often by the time she steps out of her room he is already halfway outside the door and she barely manages to catch a glimpse of his shiny black hair as he leaves.

He doesn’t speak much and neither does she. They rarely even interact when they are in the same room together...but at the very least when he is here there’s the comforting presence of another living being. When he leaves she gets lonely…

She shakes her head at the thought. 

Why should she feel that way when he leaves without so much as a goodbye? The truth was she didn’t...The only reason she feels lonely is because she is miles away from her boyfriend. That had to be it she reckoned...

Once she's done eating she washes the dishes and gets dressed; taking the time to go over study material before finally heading off around 7:40. Campus was only 10 minutes away by car, but seeing as Levi only had one car and she had yet to purchase one she had to take the bus to school. Sitting in a crowded vehicle with only her thumbs to fiddle with often left her mind free to wander. So she sticks her face into one of her textbooks urging the words and letters to push whatever thoughts she’s having to the deepest corners of her mind and have only academia fill the forefront of her brain. She was going to be a straight A student no matter what. Eren had asked for perfection and she intended to deliver. 

Mitras campus was refined and its architecture harked back to the mid-18th century with its Collegiate Gothic style. It’s old fashioned outer design contrasted sharply with the far more modern interior design. Not like any of that really matters. All of it was just a backdrop to her anyway.

“Alrighty! Since it’s the first week let’s go ahead and introduce ourselves. I’m really good at remembering names...uhh but don’t quote me on that. We’ll go by last names.” The teacher exclaimed going down the roster in alphabetical order.

.

.

.

Once it's her turn she simply stands up and mutters her name before sitting back down again.

“Wouldn’t you like to tell us a little bit about yourself?” The teacher probed with an encouraging smile.

 _Not really_ … She thinks..

“...I like cute things.” She said instead to appease them before turning her attention to her heavy chemistry book intending to go a few chapters ahead of the recommended readings. 

The hearts of everyone in that classroom practically soared at the sight of such a strong and stoic woman confidently and without shame proclaiming that she liked cute things. Certainly this was the definition of gap moe. 

Mikasa couldn't care less as she pulled her phone out to check for any new messages from Eren. 

Mondays/Wednesday/Fridays were her least busiest days as she only had two morning classes that were back to back; Bio 111 and Algebra I. Once classes are over she makes her way to the library to immediately work on her assignments. Afterwards she’d head out for a short work-out session, followed by more homework assignments: usually extra credit. Sometimes she forgets to eat but that's okay because that means she can instead work on planning her training programs. After that she’d go and train some of her clients in the late evening and that swallowed up the remainder of her day.

Once she’s back in the apartment she’ll go over the topics discussed in class and transfer all her digital notes over to a notebook. But, before that she makes dinner, eats, washes the dishes and puts the leftovers in the fridge for Levi to heat up when he gets back. With nothing else to do she spends the rest of her time working out. One quick shower later and it was off to bed but not without texting Eren goodnight and staying up to ungodly hours to wait for his reply. 

Tuesdays/Thursdays were her busiest days simply due to the fact that most of her classes were held on those days. She had three classes; English, Chemistry 107, and Sociology. In between classes she usually schedules one or two personal sessions with clients and if she has no one scheduled that day then she hurries over to the library to drown amongst the knowledge of heavy textbooks and research articles. 

More working out, more homework, more reading, more extra credit, more writing letters to Eren only to place them in a drawer where they slowly started to accumulate over time, and more studying. Over the weekends she usually volunteers at a local nursing home just to have something to do and in the evenings she would hold more work out sessions with her clients. Rinse and repeat. 

Wake up.

Text Eren.

Eat.

Study.

School.

Homework.

Work.

Exercise.

Text Eren.

Sleep.

She just had to keep this up for a year. 

Just rinse repeat.

Work.

Exercise. 

Text Eren.

Sleep.

Wake up.

Rinse and repeat.

“Ms. Ackerman.”

“...”

“Hello, hello anyone there?” 

“Yes.”

Stray giggles and low whispers.

“Glad to see you decided to join us Ms. Ackerman. Now can you please tell me what completing the square means and don’t say drawing a square.” He joked. 

It was a simple question. Definitions float around in her head along with Eren’s face....Searching for letters those letters turn into words, words into sentences. Her answer comes without hesitation. 

“Completing the square is a way of solving a quadratic equation by adding or subtracting the constant terms so that the left side is a perfect square trinomial..” 

“Excellent response! Now that we know what completing the square means let’s do a few practice questions to get the hang of it ...”

The teacher started writing equations on the chalkboard and the students quickly worked to copy them down in their notebooks, but not before excitedly glancing over at her with admiration in their eyes. She blatantly ignored them. 

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat.

“Oh hey...Mikasa right?” 

Numbly nodding her eyes drifted from her textbook to her notebook and then back again.

“My name is Rico.” 

She feels her throat vibrate as her voice answers but her eyes never waver from her textbook.

“You're pretty good at chemistry right?”

“Yes.” Her current A in the subject was proof of that. 

“A few of us we're gonna have a group study session wanna join?”

“Interesting…” Her reply came a second later.

“Is...that a yes..?”

“I’m doing good today.” 

“....uhhh…” 

“Goodbye.”

Rico blinked. She herself had not intended to ask Mikasa to join their study session and only did so as she was prompted by her squad who wanted to get to know the new freshman locally known as the ‘Asian goddess’ more personally. She assumed the girl would jump at the opportunity... 

But, she was so...poised and collected...easily denying the invitation with an air of what she could only describe as perfect placidity… 

“Okay then see you around.” 

A small wave was her only reply and Rico could only marvel at how studious and hardworking Mikasa was to not ever bother to look up from her work.

If Rico had stayed a little longer she would have witnessed Mikasa saying those exact same things to everyone else regardless of what they said or did, like a record on repeat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated in a while I just haven’t really been in a writing mood. Which is also why this chapter is kinda short.
> 
> Author secret:
> 
> Levi is the CEO of a hand wipe company with many branches and sister companies that deal with janitorial work. He‘s the one paying for all his mother’s medical bills and often transfers her money as she can only work from home.


	7. Break from Routine

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Eren.

Study.

Stepping outside the large library her bag weighs her down with heavy textbooks and reference material.

Why was she doing this again?

Too many people, too many strangers...

Without Eren...what was the point in trying? 

Even in a crowd of people there was no warmth...

He said he wanted a ‘break’ but what does that even mean? Was he tired of her? Was he planning on truly breaking things off with her once he came back from training? Why? What had she done?

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat. 

Her mind began to spiral. Thoughts racing as her emotions swirled around inside her like a bottled ocean…

This was all her fault ...He was going to leave her… 

This break was just the first step in him leaving her…

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat

If he left her…

No…

No, no, no, no…! 

Eren!

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat

**He can’t leave her** !

_ Please  _ don’t leave her….

She tugged at the red scarf on her neck...He was her scarf and the world couldn’t take that away,  _ wouldn’t _ take that away! So why was it still so  **cold…** ?

What would she do without him?

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat

Why did Eren do this?! 

Why would he hurt her like this? 

**Why?!**

He can't leave!

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat

Eren **.**

I  _ NEED _ YOU HERE, I  _ NEED _ YOU WITH ME **.**

**I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!**

Eren.

Study.

School.

Work.

Exercise.

Rinse and repeat

She needed him.

She needed him! 

**_She needed him!_ **

**She** **_NEEDS_ ** **him!!**

He  **loved** her! He won’t…

  
  
  


_ “I can’t keep doing this! I hate this so much. Please stop...I just...I need a break…” _

  
  
  


Oh god! No! 

He was going to leave her…!

What can she do to stop this?! 

What if she  _ can’t  _ stop it?

What if she’s already lost him?

What if he’s already made up his mind?!

If he was just going to leave her anyways then what was the point?!

Why was she going through all this ...?

She stumbles slightly blankley blinking as the void finally consumes her whole. The sounds of the busy street falls deaf on her ears as an icy cold numbness spreads from her heart all the way down to her fingertips. She feels a cold breeze envelop her. It’s icy fingers clawing through her hair and despite her red scarf she is left defenseless… There was no point in going on anymore...No point in living without her warmth… If her future was just going to be a cold tundra landscape, white and freezing...she didn’t want it...She had no urge to be a part of this cold cruel world anymore...There was nothing left to bind her here, no string left to keep her attached to this plane of existence...no scarf...no warmth…

Just cold ...and white….

Blindingly white…

Bright and shining with a cold glare. 

Like a freezing star...

Or 

Like the headlights of a car. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you worry. I know this is short but I'll update again a little later! How was all of you're guy's Easter?


	8. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two uploads in a day! Hurray!

It’s not that the light was blinding more so that it was dazzling and disorentating.

Her heart had resigned itself to the light, body idly going numb awaiting impact. But, amongst the white nimbus and the light flashing behind her eyelids, she saw an image of her mother with her soft grey eyes and her father with his warm smile and butterscotch locks. Hazy ghosts that shifted and waned like shadows giving way to a picture perfect rendering of Eren’s blazing green eyes. His voice breaking through the hazy lights and mist. 

_“Fight! You have to fight!”_

Without thought and more on instinct her body moved jumping at the sound of a blaring horn. Her hand reached forward to use the hood of the car as a springboard to launch herself in the air effortlessly manueving out of the way of the speeding vehicle as she gracefully landed on the other side unharmed, without a single hair out of place. It took a moment for her to get up as she blankly stared at where the car had zoomed past. She had just been standing there...

Why did she suddenly move? How did she move? 

The sounds of astonished and terrified pedestrians cloud her mind and make her ears ring. Her blood still rushing with adrenaline causes her heart to wildly hammer against her rib cage as her brain slowly starts to comprehend what just happened...Realization hits her, it hits her the same way that car should have hit her. She almost died…. Quickly she got far, far away from the street almost jumping back onto the much safer and now more crowded sidewalk. 

Hands came forth, lights from phones, screens pointed at her face as millions of voices rumbled out around her from unfamiliar bodies. Muscles tense and heart palpitating to an irregular drum beat she reached for her beloved red scarf and covered her face forcing her way through the crowd

...She needed to get away from here...

Stumbling around the various lanes of neighborhood restaurants and cafes she walked in a stupor daze. But who can blame her? She had almost been run over by a car. The only thing that saved her from getting splattered on the street floor under the crushing weight of the vehicle was her incredible athleticism...The fuzzy images of her deceased parents and crystal clarity of Eren’s green eyes certainly helped as well..

The question was why? The, why wasn’t due to the flash of Eren’s eyes...Rather, the question was why _they_ had suddenly popped into her head. 

A memory, a feeling, the faces of her beloved dead parents...Why were they invading her mind like intrusive thoughts? 

A memory, a feeling, a picture of a happy family…

Why was she remembering all this? Why were memories of her life before the burglary flashing through her mind like a haphazardly edited video? 

A memory, a feeling, a glimpse at a happy life…

She needed to calm down.

A memory, a feeling, vibrant green eyes.

She just needed a moment. She needed a place to sit down so she could process everything. 

A memory, a feeling, the sensations of a warm scarf...

Walking amongst the bustling walkways of Inman Square she entered the first building she saw that was close by… It looked like a café, and it had a very interesting name.

..The Little Jotunn..

Without a second thought she pulled at the door...only for it to not open. She blinked in confusion. Was the café closed in the _middle of the day?...Not even a nanosecond later did she see the little label just above the door handle that read ‘push'._

  
  
  


..Oh..

  
  
  


Nonchalantly pushing the door she tried to go unnoticed, but the bells above the door jingled cheerfully at the sight of the new customer alerting the employees to her intrusion. There before her stood proof that she was indeed dead and lying unconscious in some random street.

“Welcome to The Little Jotunn!” They spoke harmoniously. Flawlessly in unison clearly well rehearsed in greeting newly arrived souls. 

Two blonde angels with perfect brilliant smiles stood before the cash register surrounded by warm lights and the welcoming smell of coffee and bread. 

_Was this heaven?_ She briefly wondered. 

One of the blondes. The petite female one curiously tilted her head and with a disarming smile asked what she would like to have. The name so neatly written on her badge with blue ink was Krista. A fitting name for such a delicate angel. 

Her male counterpart, delicate and soft despite his well defined thick eyebrows and broad shoulders, gestured a hand to the menu up above them.

“We just expanded our tea selection if you prefer it to coffee.”

His name, Armin, was extravagantly written in the most beautiful calligraphy she’s ever seen that perfectly rode the line of legibility and art. 

.

.

.

“Ma’am?” Armin’s concerned voice broke her from her trance….

  
  


Oh this was just a cafe…

  
  


She wasn’t dead…

  
  


She also hasn’t ordered anything...Should she?

  
  


“Do you have wifi?” She cooly asked instead of ordering hoping to gather herself in the time it took them to answer. 

“Oh! Of course. The password is just this cafe’s name followed by the numbers 123!” Krista dutifully replied her eyes sparkling with recognition at the common sight of what was most likely a Mitras student.

Mikasa simply nodded her head in acknowledgement and with a quick thank you she made her way to a secluded area not noticing the worried glance the male barista spared her.

That’s right...Didn’t she have a lab report to complete? The only reason she left the library in the first place was because her cousin had told her off over the phone and demanded she ‘do more than collect disgusting dust. That's right...the lab report...She needed to finish it. Then she should start her algebra homework, oh and start reading through Ch 6 of her textbook for chemistry…She had all that and more in her backpack right now. That’s right she was busy. Too busy to think. Too busy to contemplate what just happened...what just…

A memory, a feeling, a family laid to waste by burglars…

Her hand froze up as it picked up the heavy textbook…

She needed a different distraction….

So pulling out her tablet instead she unlocked it and tried to find an app game that required no brain power… She momentarily glanced over to where the employees were, wondering if it was too late to order something. Krista was already talking to another paying customer and Armin seemed to be working on brewing a few orders.

He was meticulous in the way he did things. Fluid in his motions with practiced ease. All nimble fingers and decently strong arms. She half expects his eyes to be half dead as any baristas working part to full time would be. But his eyes weren’t dull. They were, in fact, the exact opposite: bright and attentive. 

Blue eyes… 

A snapshot of her father comes to mind and she can’t help but compare the two blondes in her head.

His hair is far lighter than her father’s. She recalls her father's hair was a dark gold color. Armin’s hair, however, was more of a golden honey color. His eyes while blue were also different. Her father’s eyes were the kind of blue that takes over the sky on a refreshing spring afternoon. Armin's eyes were the brilliant and reflective blue of the sea's surface all glittering and serene with hints of teal and pale aquamarine. He was also a lot younger with big and expressive eyes and no eagle’s feet. 

He suddenly froze. She wondered why. His eyes met hers. 

Oh. 

She was starring...

He quickly ducked his head and she wondered if she scared him...Her base facial expression was what some people called ‘resting bitch face’. Others akin it more to a creepy blank doll face...either one was not particularly pleasant...

He finished making the coffee and she saw him reach for the hissing kettle as he started to make a cup of tea. She briefly wondered what flavor it was before deciding to return her attention to the tablet where it should have never left. 

.

.

.

A memory, a feeling, red blood and white snow

.

.

_Clink_

.

.

She blinked at the sudden sound of a cup being placed down beside her. Turning her head she saw Armin place down an innocent cup of tea. He froze midway his startled eyes staring into her confused grey ones. 

“I didn’t order anything.” 

“O-oh no worries, it's on the house!” He responded with an almost sheepish smile and rosy cheeks.

It was undoubtedly adorable. But she didn’t need his pity.

“I can’t accept this.” She stated her tone wasn’t harsh but it was definite.

He tilted his head, silently contemplating something and with an understanding smile he said.

“Hey us Mitras students have to look after each other.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Who says I’m a Mitras student?” She asked flatly with a cool expression.

Her cold exterior did little to deter his warm smile or diminish the sparkle in his brilliant ocean blue eyes. He chuckled before extending out a hand.

“Sorry...uh you probably don’t recognize me, but my name’s Armin Arlert and we have biology together. It’s nice to meet you.” 

She felt her hands warm up and she refused to let the heat reach her face because if it did there would be no hiding the pink in her cheeks. 

“Mikasa Ackerman...Sorry I’m not good with faces…” She spoke softly before reaching to shake his offered hand. 

His hand was soft and it perfectly fit along the ridges of her palm. His fingers are long and slender like a pianist, vaguely she wonders if he plays...Her hands in comparison are much rougher and marked with callouses. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He responded easily, seemingly content in not being remembered. 

.

.

.

“I uhh.. Hope you don’t mind tea...I was thinking of getting you coffee but you know tea has more benefits anyway and well...you looked a little...Not b-bad per say..! Not at all what I meant...but I don’t know...You just looked a little out of it…? I mean...I can still make you a coffee if you prefer!” He was starting to ramble eager to fill the silence. Eager to go find comfort and security behind the cash register. Eager to get out of the spotlight that was her steely gaze. 

“No. It’s fine. I prefer tea.” She said tentatively, raising the cup to her lips.

Peppermint.

It was peppermint tea.

“Thank you.” 

He nodded with a small smile and finally made his way back to his post to assist his coworker. 

To some extent she really did prefer tea to coffee but that might be because her aunt despised coffee and all that it stood for. Her aunt believed that tea was the fix all remedy for everything. No matter the problem she always said a cup of tea could help. Tired? Tea. Sleep deprived? Tea. Anxious? Tea. Sore throat? Tea. Allergies? Tea. Depressed? Tea. She wonders if her aunt’s love for tea ended up getting passed over to her as well...It was entirely possible…

She starts to wonder how she's doing…

Aunt Kuchel was a frail woman. Always coming in and out of hospitals. Always had an array of medicines to take alongside her favorite teas… When was the last time she checked in with her..? A knot formed at the base of her stomach…. She hasn’t even called her auntie once ever since moving here to see how she's doing...Even after everything Kuchel did to raise her as her own daughter...What a horrible person she must be…What was keeping her from thinking of her Aunt? What was keeping her from making a simple phone call? What excuse could she give? What excuse would be good enough…? Even Levi checks in on her, she knows because he always speaks of Kuchel’s health and wellbeing to her offhandedly...And up till now she's placed it all in the backburner, electing to focus on her work and keep herself busy.

She couldn’t keep ignoring things... Couldn’t keep ignoring her family or her own personal issues and she definitely couldn’t ignore what just happened out in the streets a few minutes ago… It was time to start thinking and stop running away.

Taking in a deep breath she allowed the minty scent of her tea to ease her nerves. She pulled her textbook out from her bag, flipped to a random page and stared at the blank space between the texts, thinking. The soft aroma of coffee revitalized her tired brain and the plush seating of the corner sofa she sat in was heavenly on her aching body. It was ...warm and sweet...It made her feel warm and sweet… Like she was safe... Like she was loved… It felt like...like…

Like she was truly living... 

_Ah…_

That’s what it was….

Her epiphany came forth through a hazy sliver fog and gently presented itself to her. 

It was simple...so simple…

She just wanted to live. That’s all. Not just survive but live. Find warmth where she could. Find strength and sanctuary where she could. Live for herself. Live because that’s what her family would have wanted. Live because that’s what Eren would have wanted. Live because that's what _she_ wanted. 

She’s only ever felt this warmth when around Eren. 

Could it be that she could find it anywhere else as well? Not just in Eren. Not just in a person but also in things such as the scents of warm drinks and the feeling of old furniture... Could she be more than a scarf collecting dust?

The answers to all those questions was a simple yes. 

This was _her_ life. Her parents may have given it to her and Eren may have saved it but ultimately it was hers and how she chose to live it was entirely up to her and her alone. She could choose what to do with it, what to fill it with, and who to spend it with. When had she forgotten that? 

Ah…

Another epiphany came lazily following the first. Slumbering forward with sluggish movements

That’s why Eren called for a break. A small tired smile tugged at her lips.

It was all coming together. No wonder he was so livid when she had proclaimed she gave up her dream of being a PT in order to be with him…

She had ...some work to do...didn’t she? Had some choices to make…

Should she stay and continue her education?

Yes. This is what she always wanted to do after all and it still is.

Should she spend all her time and effort into studying and working till she dropped dead?

No. After all, she couldn’t fulfill her dream if she died of over-exhaustion first.

Should she continue to isolate herself?

No. She needs connections. She needs people. She _wants_ them. She needs to be able to socialize and bond with others...She doesn’t want to be isolated...Not anymore...She won’t allow herself to regress back to her scared 10 year old self. Not when she has the chance to improve herself. She just needs some friends, maybe pick up some old hobbies…

She was going to be okay...and not because she _needed_ to be okay, but because she _wanted_ to be. 

This world is cruel. That was a fact Mikasa had learned at a young age… but it was also very beautiful...and that was a fact she had only just learned now.. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it's a slow burn when one of the romantic interests doesn't even make a cameo till CHAPTER 10.
> 
> Author Secret:
> 
> Jotunn in norse mythology usually refers to giants but is a broad enough term that it covers more creatures such as trolls, elves etc. I'm using it to refers to giants so the cafe name is actually "The Little Giant"


	9. New Resolve

With a new direction in life Mikasa felt like she had accomplished a lot in a single afternoon. Her new goal in life was to live for herself and do what  _ she _ wanted to do. She knows she will have to start small, of course. Baby steps. Right now she wanted to thank Armin for the free cup of tea. 

Not only was it appreciated, it was very much needed. The strong note of mint broke through the hazy smell of coffee that threatened to consume her. The peppermint acting as an anchor, a point of reference for her mind to drift back to when she got lost in the sea of coffee smells and shifting thoughts.

However whilst she was in the middle of rediscovering herself the modestly sized cafe had been filled with new customers. She could see two sets of blonde hair zip to and fro from one place to another in order to accommodate the new rush of people. Not wanting to add to either of their workloads but not wanting to leave without thanking the barista left her in quite the predicament.

…

Finally she decided to leave an extra large tip in the tip jar and planned on thanking Armin in person come Monday morning when they had biology together. That would have to suffice for now…

She made her way to the door.

“Oh! You’re leaving?” 

Before exiting she heard Krista call her. 

“Yes.”

“Did you enjoy your tea?” She asked with a hopeful smile.

Oh so she knew that Armin gave her a free beverage...

“It was delicious...I’ll have to come again...sometime.” Mikasa responded feeling slightly sheepish but refusing to let that feeling show.

“Please do! Have a nice day!” She exclaimed with a smile and a happy wave.

Mikasa respondes in kind with a small smile and a hesitant wave goodbye.

Finally making it to the front door of Levi’s apartment she let out a sigh, she didn’t know she was holding...Placing her key inside the lock she opened the door and made her way inside...but not before taking off her shoes of course. She didn’t want Levi to skin her alive after all. 

“So did you enjoy the town?” Levi asked lazily while reading a book of some kind on the living room sofa.

“Had some tea. It was...nice.” She responded. 

Levi simply hummed in acknowledgement but she caught sight of a small smile of some kind hidden behind that thick blue book of his.

“Is there something else you want?” He asked after he noticed she had yet to go to her room as she usually did.

“I want to cut my hair.”

He made a face.

“Then go to a salon no fucking way are you cutting your dirty hair here. It will get everywhere.” 

That was the response she was expecting. Always such a clean freak. 

“I know. I wanted you to tell me about any local salons as I’m still technically new to the area….you moron.” 

He scowled. This was the first real conversation they had in the month and a half she’s been here and the first thing she does is insult him? The nerve. 

“Watch your tone Ms. Gloom and Doom in case you forgot I’m only letting you stay here because mother insisted.” 

The hidden subtext in that statement was he would kick her out if he found even one single strand of her hair lying on the bathroom floor.

He was a brat...She wanted to tell him that, give him a piece of her mind instead of simply storing the thought away in her mind…

“Didn’t know you were a Mama’s boy.” She said instead with a flat voice.

He grumbled but didn’t deny the fact. The feeling of a smirk danced on her lips. 

“So know any salons?”

He sighed before reaching for his phone and dialing a number. 

“Hey Petra. You, busy?”

…

“My dumb cousin wants a haircut. I’m gonna pass her the phone now.” 

He tossed his phone carelessly at her knowing she would easily catch it.

“Hello?”

“Ah! Hello there! My name is Petra. Levi said you wanted to make an appointment.” 

Her voice was bright and chirpy. It sounds like the jingling of wind chimes on a clear summer day. All bright and cheery. 

“Yes.”

“Well I think I have something open this afternoon if you can make it. But I also have a slot open for Friday if you prefer.”

“This afternoon will do.”

“Great! I’ll set you down under Ackerman, is that okay?”

“Yes ...also where are you located?” 

“Tch that’s such like Levi to not even tell you where our salon is.”

She heard a sigh from the other line.

“Let me get your number and I’ll text you the address, I need it anyway so I can add you to my calendar.”

After giving Petra all the information she needed, she made sure to thank the woman for making her appointment so quickly and with little notice.

“No worries! Levi never asks for much so I love helping out anyway I can when he does ask for something...I know he may seem like a jerk, but he’s actually a really great guy once you get past all his...uh...Levi-ness...” 

She briefly recalls the small smile he had that he cautiously hid behind a book...a book that thinking back on it now was upside down...Was he waiting for her to get back? She could imagine him anxiously tapping his foot in no discernible rhythm waiting for the door to unlock and open. Only once he heard the click of the door did he search for the nearest thing to make it seem like he was just casually lounging around. Totally not worried about his cousin’s wellbeing...A smile found its way onto her face…She’s been smiling a lot more hasn’t she..

“Yeah. I think you’re right.” 

“So are we done here?” Levi grumbled after she had tossed his phone back. 

“Also I want a car.”

“What the fuck?!”

* * *

Idly fiddling with her now much shorter hair Mikasa brushed her bangs aside staring at her reflection in the driver’s mirror. This was the shortests hairstyle she’s had. So while it would get some getting used to she much preferred it to her older styles...It was..more mature...and her bed head was a LOT less noticeable now with short hair. Thank god! Having to detangle her hair every morning was always a nightmare.

Finally exiting her new (albeit slightly used) car she headed off towards her biology class. She felt the nervous flaps of fluttering butterfly wings fill her stomach...Today was going to be nerve wracking because...for the first time in forever she was going to try and... _ socialize _ . She tried to convince herself that feeling nervous was actually a good thing, because it just meant she was excited to make some friends. It helped to some extent, yet the butterflies remind. 

Upon entering the science auditorium she immediately began searching for a certain set of blonde hair and blue eyes. It was still relatively early in the morning and the class had yet to be filled, only a few people littered the seats lazily lounging around so it was rather easy to spot him. He made it even easier for her by sitting near the front. He was slightly leaned over a thick textbook with an ocean cover, his eyes flying across the page eagerly taking in its content.

Reflexively she clenched her teeth; not entirely sure how to approach him. She searched her brain for answers desperately trying to recall any information she could about socializing and making friends...Slowly she made her way over to him, hoping that in approaching him her mind would miraculously remember how to socialize with others. 

The butterflies were back anxiously flapping their wings creating a tempest of emotions that filled her with panic...She was almost in front of him now and still she had no idea what to say...She didn’t want to loom over him, that would obviously intimate him. Eren had always said her looming was creepy…. So with no game plan she haphazardly decided to sit down next to him and nonchalantly began to get her textbook and laptop out of her backpack. Surely he would notice her sudden presence. 

.

.

.

But he didn’t. So engrossed in his textbook he was that he hadn’t noticed her sudden appearance...That's fine...Okay she could do this. Just start simple. 

“Good morning.”

He yelped in reply, dropping his book in the process. 

..Cute..

“Oh! You startled me.” 

“Sorry.”

“No, no I should be saying sorry it was rude of me not to notice you.” He replied waving his arms around in emphasis.

He blinked. Eyes widening and mouth forming a small ‘o’ in surprise.

“You cut your hair.”

Her hand immediately flew up to her head, smoothing out her hair in response.

“...Yeah.”

“Do you like it?” He asked. 

She tilted her head as if it was weighed down by a question.

“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to ask?”

He shook his head no in response. His blonde hair catching the light of the classroom, shimmering gold as it followed his head’s movements. 

“No. Because it shouldn’t matter what I think, all that should matter is whether you like it...So do you?”

“...I do…” 

“That’s good to hear. Where did you get it cut?”

“Hmm ...I don’t remember the name of the salon, but the lady who attended to me was called Petra Ral.” She replied.

“Oh! Really? She cut my hair too.” 

“Is that so...Why did you cut it?” 

Despite her flat tone and blank face she was rather curious as to why he would cut his hair. Currently his hair was short but still slightly longer than her own with a fading undercut. It certainly suited him but with hair as pretty as his certainty longer hair would have looked even better.

He hummed in contemplation. His thick brows slightly burrowing in thought as he reflectively held his chin.

“Well there were several reasons really… First of all, shorter hair is far easier to manage and I also just grew quite tired of everyone calling me Coconut head.”

“Coconut head…?” 

“Ah..! Yes, well when I was younger, my grandpa would always cut my hair. The thing was that he wasn’t all too good at it so he would just place a bowl on my head and cut whatever was sticking out ...haha... So for the majority of my life I had an almost perfectly round bowl haircut.” He explained with a sheepish smile. 

“I see...are those the only reasons?” She asked, feeling sort of giddy at how easily their conversation seemed to flow. 

“Well that and with longer hair I always got confused for Krista...they used to call me male Krista before I hit puberty.” 

Krista…? His co-worker? Oh. Now that she thought about it they did look rather similar 

“Krista was that other barista right?”

“Yep! That’s her.”

“Are you siblings?”

“Yes-er...well we’re step siblings.”

Mikasa eyes widened a fraction of an inch at the word step siblings and Armin giggled in response.

“Haha… No need to hide your surprise most people are pretty shocked when I tell them me and Krista aren’t actually related.” 

“...oh yeah…” 

It was surprising that he could tell what she was thinking ...Most people have a hard time reading her facial expressions...and yet he did it so effortlessly ...She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Having a stranger be able to see through her impeccable poker face so easily… It was slightly unnerving.

“...So is that why you cut your hair?” She asked, deciding to ignore that feeling of unease for now.

“Pretty much.”

.

.

.

“But did you like it?”

“Huh?” 

It seems he too tilts his head when he is confused.

“Earlier you said it should only matter if you like it...So did you like your old haircut?” She clarified.

His eyes widened and he leaned back in surprise blinking a few times before finally responding with a grin.

“Using my own logic against me I see.” 

Was he teasing? Or joking…? Wait, was there a difference between the two? Not knowing how to respond she stayed quiet and remained perfectly still if slightly tense.

“Well...it did keep my ears warm but I think I like my current hairstyle a lot more.” He responded thoughtfully.

“It suits you.”

“Thanks!”

“Alright students, time for class!” 

Armin’s head whipped to the front of the classroom attentively listening to the professor his hand poised and ready to take down notes. Mikasa was much slower on the uptake as she hadn’t noticed how much time had passed since they started talking…

This was...kinda nice. 

It was nice having someone to talk to...someone who listened to her and seemed to understand her despite her lack of expression or tone range.... The sharp edges of loneliness that had constantly been prickling and stabbing at her soft heart were slowly ebbed away…Yes. She could get used to this whole having friends thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally starting to look up for our girl, Mikasa


	10. Enter Armin

Armin quickly packed his things to head out to his next class before turning to face Mikasa.

“So do you have another class?”

She curtly nodded.

“Algebra.”

“Ah. I have, Intro to Oceanography.”

“Are you ...in any of my other classes, perchance?” She asked softly a hint of embarrassment laced in between her words subtle and thin like spider’s webs. 

“Hmm...I don’t think so ...I am taking Chemistry but I have it later today.” 

“Oh.”

A drop-in pitch and the flickering of her gaze to the ground suggested she was disappointed, despite what her otherwise placid face showed.

“Do you have Mr. Cogburn for Chemistry?” He interjected, not wanting to see her look so sad.

(Even if she physically did not look upset in the slightest)

“Yes.”

“Are you still on Chapter 6?”

“Yes.”

“Well how about we study together later today if you can?” He offered. 

A brief glint of happiness sparked behind her eyes before dimming.

“I work for the rest of the day.” 

“What about over the weekend?” 

She paused mulling over his offer in her head before finally coming to a decision.

“Sure. Give me your number.”

After exchanging contact info they both went their separate ways. 

“See you Saturday.” He said as he bid farewell. She merely nodded in acknowledgment and with a quick wave goodbye she left. 

Whilst walking over to his class, he mulled over the events that just transpired...more specifically his mind began to wander back to Mikasa. He’s caught glimpses of her in the library and around campus hundreds of times before and the idle gossip of his fellow classmates often painted her in the light of a goddess. 

He will admit that upon first seeing her he too was caught up in the idea that she was a god walking amongst mortals. She was beautiful, strong, silent, and stoic...She kind of reminded him of Annie…He shook that thought away for he knew that anytime he thought of Annie his thoughts tended to spiral into a torrid of regrets and feelings of inadequacy and that was a rabbit hole he did not want to go down today...He redirected his brain to think of his newfound acquaintance. Letting his thoughts flow freely through his mind with no obstructions like a running stream. 

To put it simply he found her fascinating. She was a walking mystery that invited his curious mind to solve the enigma that was her being… He thinks she is like the ocean. Beautiful and strong with unseeable undercurrents that underlined her graceful movements with unimaginable strength. Her placid face is always so still and calm, perfectly hiding the secrets of her depth behind a seemingly unassuming surface. Yet for all her strength and grace her eyes spoke of unimaginable loneliness. 

He was observant by nature. He often knew how someone was feeling or thinking before they ever said anything to him. When he and Krista were younger she would accuse him of being psychic. He would laugh each time she suggested the idea and waved it off as him simply being attuned to his sister’s wellbeing. She never seemed convinced though and to this day she still calls him a psychic though he can tell from the lightness in her tone and the curl of her lips that she means it more as a joke than anything else. 

He thinks anyone could be a ‘psychic’ if they just paid enough attention. The tone and emphasis on words, the simplicity in one’s gaze, the smallest lift in one’s eyebrows, to the sag in their shoulders always showed people’s true feelings that are often hidden behind waves of pleasantries or fronts. The secret subtext is never lost on him and no matter the depth at which they were hidden in a person’s ocean he always seemed to find it.

This innate insight allowed him to notice how Mikasa’s shoulders always seemed to bear the invisible pressure of the sea itself whilst her gaze stays clouded over by dark stormy clouds on the cusp of raining. It wasn’t just that she was sad...her whole being seemed to radiate a sense of heavy melancholy that broke his heart and he couldn’t dissuade his need to help. 

Yes, the issue was never understanding someone’s emotions, it was deciding how to best approach them about it. The world has rules and polite society has many more. He can’t say he’s the most social person in the world as he was more than content being alone in the sanctuary of his room with only the comfort of his books and a cup of tea. He also wasn’t the most popular or the most good looking or the most athletic or…The point was that he wasn’t that extraordinary or well rounded. He wanted to help those in need, it was in his nature to lend a hand where he could, but the issue was that his help wasn’t really worthwhile ...How could he help alleviate the sadness that penetrated the very depths of Mikasa’s being?

He stored the thought away for now and redirected his focus to his class. He would have to think about this more thoroughly at home preferably with a couple of pastries and some tea….

* * *

“Hey Armin, how were classes?” Krista asked as she wiped down a recently unaccompanied table before placing down a plate of cookies and two cups of lavender tea. 

“They were fun!” He replied happily with a smile. 

She briefly stuck her tongue out playfully.

“Only you would say that. Didn’t you have Chemistry today, yuck!” 

“Hey, now just because you aren’t as smart as me that doesn't mean you can diss on science.” He teased with a cocky grin. 

“Watch what you say to your future boss.” She gracefully commented with a strained smile. A jest and a warning. 

“Well, excuse me, princess!” 

She puffed her cheeks out a small frown adorning her delicate features and his heart hummed with happiness as a smile made its way onto his face.

She was so cute. Everyone and anyone would agree with that fact just as everyone knew the earth revolved around the sun. She always managed to easily win the hearts of all who see her with just the bat of her long golden lashes. That was one of the key differences between them. 

Where Armin was socially awkward she was overwhelmingly charming, where he hesitated she pushed forward, where he loved reading all things academic and ocean-related she preferred reading vast amounts of folklore and fairytales. They were similar but still wholly different. Often he felt like Krista really was his sister, blood, and all because she complimented him so well. They were like two peas in a pod, yin and yang, platonic soulmates. They were inseparable as children and as young adults their bond had only strengthened over time. With all this said it was no wonder she too could pick up on his more subtle expressions. 

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” She curiously asked leaning forward to poke his forehead. 

He let a giggle escape his lips. 

“Guess.”

“You’re the psychic here not me.” 

He settled himself down at the table she had just cleaned before leaning on the table counter resting his face on his palm. They had just closed, so he didn’t have to worry about customers.

“There’s someone I want to help, but I’m not really sure how.” He confessed. 

Krista took her seat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder humming in acknowledgment.

“That so…”

“Mmhh..”

“Is it that girl from Friday?” She asked.

He snickered. 

“And you said you weren’t psychic”

“I’m not psychic, I'm just observant.” She replied with a cheeky smile.

“You’ve learned much, my young pupil.” 

“Stop deflecting. I’m right aren’t I?” She said tugging and pulling at his arm. 

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Well, why do you think she needs help? She seemed pretty content to me.” 

“She just seems so...melancholic. And I know I can help but I’m just not sure how to approach the situation.” He said musing over his thoughts.

“You know you don't have to help every sad person that you see...Sticking your nose in other people's business is bad for you…” She advised slowly pulling away from him to take a sip of her tea…

He knew what she was implying, who she was referring to. The hidden name that danced at the tip of her lips refusing to be spoken out loud. 

“I think we as humans have a duty to help out our fellow man. Without altruism, I don’t think we would have survived this long as a species.” 

“Not everyone deserves your help.” She responded. Her grip on her teacup tightening. “There are people who will take advantage of you, who will make you feel like you owe them everything...Those kinds of people who manipulate you to think you’re only good if you’re being useful...those kinds of people are bad people and you don’t have to help them….”

Her blue eyes iced over becoming cold and matte. She spoke with authority because she spoke from experience. His hand curled into a fist under the table as he cursed the name of Reiss for giving his sister that experience.

But…

While he understood where she was coming from, he still had his own beliefs and values. His own view of the world that he has cultivated throughout the years of reading books of wisdom and gaining his own life experiences. He wouldn’t forsake his own codes of conduct due to personal vendettas or a few outliers.

Finally, after a brief moment of silence, he spoke.

“I don’t think there are any ‘bad’ people just like there aren’t any ‘good’ people. There’s just...people…”

.

.

.

She let out a sigh. 

“Now I know how Ymir felt...” 

Offhandedly she mumbled something too low for him to hear before placing her teacup down with a delicate clink. She turned to face him.

“Alright then count me in!”

He blinked.

“I-I’m sorry what?” 

“If you really want to help this girl, then I’ll help you help her.” She explained. 

“Really!” He exclaimed leaning forward with an adoring smile. “Thank you so much! You’re the best sister ever!’ 

“Geez ...Calm down I think you’ve had one too many cookies Armin.” She replied with a sheepish smile holding up her hands to keep him from hugging her. 

“Sorry got a little too overzealous.” He recoiled into himself, suddenly embarrassed by his outburst. 

“Well, when are you gonna see this girl again?”

“Mikasa, her name is Mikasa.”

“Right so when are you gonna meet Mikasa again?” She rectified. 

“Well, we said we could probably have a study session over the weekend but we haven’t really decided on a time or place.” He explained. 

“Why not invite her over? I can make some yummy cakes for you guys and I’ll be able to see if she’s really worth helping myself.”

He grimaced at her words for they did not match her overly charming smile. Still perhaps introducing Mikasa to more people would be a good place to start to combat that feeling of loneliness that surrounded her. 

With Krista’s help, he was able to send Mikasa a short text with a suggested place and time. All that was left was to wait for her reply...She seemed like someone who was constantly keeping herself busy so he wasn’t expecting her to answer right away. He would have to be patient and he was nothing if not patient. Barley had he finished that thought when he received a text message with a single letter response.

_K_

**Sent** 20:37

“Oh, that was both faster and easier than I thought.” Krista commented looking over Armin’s shoulder to look at the text message.

She had been expecting some reluctance on Mikasa’s part simply because she didn’t seem like the type of person who enjoyed outings... or people in general. She gave off lone wolf vibes…but maybe just maybe she was like Armin in the sense that she simply wasn’t all too good at socializing...if that were the case...

“Hey, ask her what kinds of pastries she likes.” Krista requested. 

* * *

When he had asked to meet her again outside of class she couldn’t deny the spark of joy his words ignited in her. But that spark was quickly smothered under the suffocating demands of her schedule. She had originally constructed her schedule with the goal to eliminate all her free time so she wouldn't be able to stew in her own thoughts and feelings. That decision had finally come back to bite her on the butt. She let out a groan falling backwards onto her bed. 

Almost instinctively her hand reached for her phone, her eyes burning from the memory of staring at the screen late all night. Her traitorous hand was stopped as she used all her willpower to keep it in its place with her other hand. She couldn’t fall back to her old ways. Desperately waiting for a reply that would never come…

But checking just one more time wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

No reply. 

Of course. What did she expect? With a sigh, she got up and threw her phone on the bed before going to sit down at her desk. 

_...I should be doing something about this schedule of mine..._

With a clean piece of paper she tried to think of how to manage her time more reasonably. She could try and only work as a professional trainer on Mondays and Wednesday instead of trying to fill up all her free time with appointments. If she did that, that meant those resting times could instead be used for studying and doing homework. Any left over time from that would be personal time and as for weekends...She didn’t want to stop volunteering completely...maybe once every two weeks..?

_*bling*_

The sudden sound of an incoming message derailed her train of thought. Her instinctive thought was ‘Eren’ and her heart leapt up in joy. 

_No, stop it! You were doing so well. Just ignore-!_

In a blur she dived onto her bed and desperately reached for her phone. A small part of her couldn’t help but be disappointed but overall she didn’t care. A month and a half and finally, _finally_ she had a response from her dear Eren. Entering Eren’s date of birth in her phone she immediately went to open her messenger app once her phone unlocked.

But it wasn’t Eren… Something inside her grew heavy as her body sank into the bed with despair. 

_Hey Mikasa!_

**Sent** 20:35

Wait a minute…! She shook her head to get rid of the image of Eren so she could concentrate on reality...It was Armin! 

_Will Saturday afternoon at The Little Jotunn work for you?_

**Sent** 20:36

Her whole body sprang up. Her face did not clearly emote the rush of childish joy she felt. In a rush she typed out a single letter response and quickly pressed send. She watched as the elusive words of _‘read’_ appeared just below her text and was in awe as she saw three dots appear on his side of the screen...He was going to reply…? 

_Ok! See you then. ヽ(〃＾▽＾〃)ﾉ_

**Sent** 20:37

_Oh! Also what kind of pastries do you like? (´･ω･`)_

**Sent** 20:39

God. Even the way he texts is adorable. A small sound escaped her lips and her hand tentatively covered her mouth in surprise. She started typing her response after a brief time deliberately. 

_All_.

 **Sent** 20:41

Was that too vague a thing to say? An emoticon with a thumbs up was her reply so he must have understood her…Wow! Being understood was such a rush that it caused yet another small sound to escape her lips again. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” 

She blinked, lifting her head from her phone. 

Levi had just come back from work and when he walked in he saw his cousin lying on her bed with a smile kicking her legs up and down like some sort of girly middle school girl. It was a deeply disturbing sight considering who his cousin was. She was supposed to be stoic and quiet. Not ...whatever this is! 

“Texting.” She deadpanned. 

“You’re being gross.” 

“Buzz off small fry.”

“Who the hell even are you?” He demanded pointing an accusing finger in her direction with a scowl. 

Not wanting to deal with him she nonchalantly got up and closed the door shut.

“I’m gonna make a call.” She said as she shut the door.

Pulling out her contacts list her thumb nervously hovered over her aunt’s name. What would she even tell her? What could she say? Would she even pick up? Swallowing a heavy lump of nervous spit she finally gathered enough resolve to call her. 

_...ring…_

_...ring…_

_*...ding…*_

“Hello…?”

“Hey, Aunt Kuchel…It’s me…”

“Mikasa! My darling! Oh, how are you?”

“I’m fine… Sorry I haven’t called….”

“No, no don’t worry. I know you were probably busy with school and you know adjusting to a new place can be difficult.”

She was so understanding that a sharp pang pierced Mikasa’s heart.

“...Still...I...I don’t think that’s a good excuse...I could have sent a text message at least...I’m...I’m sorry, auntie….”

The guilt was coming back fully coating her words with regret. 

“...Mikasa is everything okay?” She worriedly inquired. 

It took a minute for her to answer.

“Yeah...no...I’m...just going through some stuff but I’m a lot better now.” 

“You know you can talk to me about these things, right?” 

“...Yeah...I um...made a new friend today….” She sheepishly replied trying to lift the mood and direct the conversation to a different route, albeit rather clumsily. 

Furthermore, the word friend felt strange to say. It was odd how her mouth shaped the word out as if she wasn’t sure she was yet allowed to say it. 

“Really!? Oh, that’s wonderful to hear! What are they like?” Her aunt’s excitement was palpable.

“He’s….” 

What would be a good way to describe Armin? She hardly really knew him.

“...kind.” 

It was a vague sentiment, but a safe one as she could tell he was kind-hearted by nature.

“...and also very adorable.” She tacked on near the end feeling the need to be a bit more descriptive for her aunt’s sake.

“Is that so? Well, what’s his name?” 

“Armin.” 

“...Armin…?” She echoed back with a hint of recognition in her tone. 

“Is something the matter?” 

“Hm...No, no...It’s just Levi would also talk to me about an Armin boy...I don’t know if it's the same person though… Is he short, blue eyes, thick brows and blonde?” 

Mikasa blinked. 

“Yes.” 

“Hm...Wow what a small world. Still I’d ask Levi just to be sure if it's the same person. By the way, how is my sweet boy?”

“He’s fine.”

“Is he still seeing that Erwin fellow? Honestly I want to see them tie the knot already! Levi should man up and propose I want to be able to be there for their wedding.” 

She wants to be there to see the wedding… 

“....Auntie ...how's your health?” She finally asked, frightened of the answer. 

“...Oh...You know it has been a struggle recently…Just today I had to go to the doctor again, I had an allergic reaction to one of the medicines they prescribed me…”

“Mmm…”

“Mikasa you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not as frail as I look, everything is gonna be alright.”

“...I love you…!” 

She blurted. Wanting nothing more than to be able to say it just in case if it was the last thing she would be able to say to her.

“I love you too my darling. Now go on to bed. I'm sure you’ll have a busy day tomorrow.” 

“I’ll call again tomorrow..”

“I can’t wait to hear from you again.”

“...I miss you…”

“I miss you too…”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” 

Once the call ended she let out a sigh slumping on her bed….She was exhausted, but she was also more relaxed than she’s ever been ...She'll make sure to call her again tomorrow night and at the very least wish her sweet dream again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Secret:
> 
> Krista is actually taking online college courses and while she is very adept in writing her major is actually in business because her dream is to end up inheriting the cafe (which is owned by Armin's grandpa)
> 
> Armin did have a previous relationship with Annie during highschool but things didn't work out. They were both young and inexperienced. 
> 
> I also wanted to show how Armin isn't the ONLY person in Mikasa'a life


	11. Study Session

When she was young and still filled with childish innocence she recalls staying up late at night with jittery nerves practically vibrating from excitement at the idea of getting up and opening presents that old Saint Nick brought her for being such a good girl. It was similar to how she was feeling right now.

She hasn’t felt like that in ages…

Like a kid on Christmas Eve.

It was a tad bit overwhelming if she was honest. 

“ ** _Oi!_** **Fucking** _chew_ your food! What are you an animal?! I’m sure mother taught you better table manners than that, you _filthy_ boar!” Levi seethed. 

For every crumb of food that fell on his pristine table another tick formed on his head. This girl was gonna make him rupture a vein if she kept eating that way.  Without missing a heartbeat she dryly gave him a soft glare before opening her mouth wide open giving him a closeup view of all the mashed up food in her mouth as if to showcase that she was indeed chewing.

In a flash, Levi grabbed the butter knife next to him, and using his Ackerman strength hurled it towards her direction barely missing Mikasa’s head as it threateningly flew across the table. 

“You missed.” She commented dryly after swallowing her food.

“Make no mistake I would end you but getting blood out of wood is a nightmare.” He scoffed. 

She hummed absentmindedly.

Auntie mentioned Levi knew Armin. She wondered how he knew of him. He never spoke of the other boy. Could it be he didn’t like him? Why? Would that mean he would forbid her from hanging out with him? Should she ask him about it? These thoughts had been swirling in her head for the past week but she’s never gathered the resolve to ask any of them. 

“Do you like blondes?” She abruptly asked trying her best to beat around the bush...or more like stumble across it. 

“What kind of question is that?” He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in confusion, his lips automatically curving downwards. 

She simply shrugged. 

“Well Petra’s blonde so is her boyfriend Eld and Hange’s boyfriend Moblit is blonde too. Erwin and his friend Mike are also both blondes. You get along with all of them...more or less. So you must like blondes.” She explained.

“Is it crack? Is that what you’re smoking?” 

“It’s rude not to answer my question.” 

“It was a stupid question.” He retorted. 

“...Nevermind.” She huffed getting up from her seat to wash her now empty dish.

“In any case, I’m off. See you later.” She said casually making her way towards the door.

Levi watched as she closed the door still deeply confused about her question. Does he like blondes? What a stupid question…

Of course, he likes blondes. 

* * *

Now with a more clear mind, she could actually take the time to appreciate the decor and structure of The Little Jotunn cafe.

It was a half-timbered german Esque cafe, the kind she’s seen in both history and fairytale books. It was happily situated on a street corner so it wasn’t squashed in the middle of two other buildings allowing it the luxury of more elaborate pointy roofs and window flower boxes. It was all very picturesque and she felt as though she were transported from the compact shopping district that was Inman square to a quaint fairytale European village.

At the sound of chiming bells, both blondes turned to face the front door.

“Welcome to The Little Jotunn.” They chimed in unison with happy albeit slightly tired smiles. 

That was still as charming as it was the first time she experienced it. 

“Oh! Mikasa, you’re a little early.” Armin said seemingly snapping out of his customer service mode. 

She nodded in response.

“I wanted to order some tea before we got started.” She commented 

“What kind would you like?” He asked.

She blankly looked at the menu that was behind him scanning the options. There were a lot of choices...she wishes Eren was here ...He would know what she liked… 

_ Who would know more about what you like then you? _

Right...In that case…

“One jasmine tea please.” 

After paying for her drink Armin took the liberty to show her to their table. There was a lounging area to the right of the cashier counter littered with potted plants, small old sofas, beanbags, and a few coffee tables. The wooden floors were blanketed by varying sizes of Turkish rugs while the walls were filled with various postcards, world maps, and other decor. Dare she say it was almost too much. Too cluttered with various knick-knacks and the like. Luckily Armin had chosen one of the very few spots that were relatively free of decor.  A lone mahogany coffee table, two stout sofas, and a single potted plant occupied the small corner. 

“I still have work for another half hour...is that okay?” He nervously asked not so much looming but more fluttering over her like a nervous hummingbird. 

She nodded her head in response.

“ ‘S fine.” She reassured, with a look of indifference. 

He seemed to hesitate but complied none the less. Not five seconds after he left the other blonde angel came towards her with a smile so bright it burned her eyes. 

“Welcome back, Mikasa!” 

She felt a ball of tension coil up inside her forcing her back to straighten at the sound of her own name.

“...Hello...Krista…” She muttered slightly blindsided. 

Was it okay to refer to her by her first name? She hardly knew her and it was probably unprofessional to address a server so informally…But she had called her by her first name, so it was probably fine...Right?

“It’s been a while. How are you doing?”

The tension was growing...She didn’t feel at all comfortable being talked to so directly and brightly. Still, what could she do but just bear through it? 

“I’m fine.”

Krista considered her before placing down the plate of cookies she had been carrying on the table.

“I made you guys some cookies. I didn’t know what kind you’d like so I just put one of everything. I hope you aren’t allergic to anything.”

“Don’t worry I’m not picky.” She said as she slowly reached over to take a Linzer cookie off the pile. 

“That’s a relief. I have to go take some orders but if you need anything just call me over.” 

“...thank you…” She shyly muttered feeling overwhelmed by everything. 

The noise, the smell of coffee, the decor, the smiles, and kindness ...it was all so overwhelming...maybe coming here was a bad idea…

She wasn’t ready… 

Unprepared and overwhelmed she thinks that maybe she wasn’t ready to have friends yet. With that thought, she sadly started to nibble on her cookie.  Ten cookies and an eternity later Armin finally made his way over to her with a book in hand as he collapsed on the chair beside her.

“Sorry about that but it always gets pretty busy this time of day.” He sighed.

“...I could come back some other time…” She offered.

Yes, she could come back when she was ready for friends because right now she didn’t know if she would be able to comfortably sit next to the blonde boy much less study together. 

“Huh? No, no it’s fine I swear.” He responded. Shaking his head violently and waving his hand around to dispel her concerns. “Let’s just get started!”

To begin they decided to go over some of the terms and vocabulary before comparing notes. 

“Alright then let’s start with the bonds if that’s okay.”

She nodded.

“What’s a covalent bond?” He asked not bothering to check the answer in his notes before asking her.

That was such a simple one.

“It’s a bond formed when an atom shares one or more of its electrons.”

“Correct. Can you tell me how it differs from an Ionic bond?” He asked.

“Covalent share. Ionic takes.” She said simply reducing chemistry down to a few words. “Your turn. What’s a Polar-Covalent bond?” She asked.

“Easy.  It’s a type of covalent bond in which the bonded atoms have an unequal attraction for the shared electrons.” He responded fluidly. 

They continued this back and forth until they finished going down the list of vocabulary words, only ever stopping if one of them was sure what the definition was. Armin then opened up his notebook looking through his notes to find the ones most prevalent for their current study session. She mimicked his actions sifting through her own notebook with a blank expression before setting it down between the two. He in turn scooted closer to her and laid his notebook out in front of her.

Mikasa gazed at the blue notebook but her mind kept wandering off. She couldn’t concentrate as she was overtly aware of the blonde’s presence and how close he was to her. It was funny then that up until recently she was completely unaware of his existence. She knew nothing about him aside from his name and that he shared a class with her. She likes to think that if she took a second to survey her class and its students more carefully rather than ignore them that she would have noticed him and at the very least recall his face. 

“Wow, your handwriting is so neat.” He commented glancing over to take a peek at her notes. 

She blinked a bit surprised as his comment had completely derailed her train of thought.

“Thank you.” 

She took a moment to compose herself before looking over at his notes.

Within the pages of his spiral notebooks were carefully written notes in a clean script with no cursive or overtly messy looping. Everything was colored-coded and perfectly organized. Located on one side of the margins were all the vocabulary words written in blue ink while on the other sides were all shorthanded notes on the lectures in black ink unless a vocabulary word was used in which case it was written in blue. He even had a few diagrams showcasing the relationship between compounds and their structures. Her notes were quite plain in comparison.

“Your notes are quite impeccable.” She noted hoping her tone came out as friendly. 

He beamed.

“Thank you! Note-taking is really the only thing I'm really good for.” He replied; his statement causing her hand to pause from writing.

He had said it so casually and with a smile, but something about that statement made her stomach knot. 

“That’s untrue.” She stated as she shifted her gaze away from his notebook up towards him.

“You also make really good tea and good company.” 

“O-oh….umm thank you…” He replied avoiding her gaze as a small dusting of pink covered his cheeks.

Cute. God, why was he so cute. It should be illegal to be this cute. She just wanted to protect him. Hold him close and pat his soft-looking locks. She hadn’t even noticed she snapped her pencil till he exclaimed out in surprise that she did indeed snap her mechanical pencil in half. 

“I’ve got a spare. Here you can have it.”

“Thanks.”

.

.

.

“I won’t break it. Promise.”

“I wasn’t really worried about that but I’ll take your word for it.” 

Slowly as time passed on the ball of tension that had been growing in size until recently had slowly dissipated and Mikasa could feel her shoulders relax and her jaw unclench, finally able to relax. 

His sharp blue eyes briefly glanced over towards her at the subtle movement.

“Sorry, next time we can go to the library instead.” He offered.

This had also been on her mind all week...His insightfulness...His ability to seemingly read her all too easily...Barley had her shoulders started to slouch did he notice that she was finally relaxing. 

“How do you do that?” She asked abruptly.

“Excuse me?”

“You always seem to know what I’m feeling ...How?” 

He hummed in contemplation before a cheeky smile crossed his face.

“I’m psychic.” He whispered slightly leaning in as if sharing a major secret. 

That was it.

That had to be it. Only a psychic could tell what she was thinking, no other human besides Eren had that ability. And Eren wasn’t all that good at it anyway. She was stoic and reserved; had been for a majority of her life. Her face never gave anything away and her voice was always so monotone and boring. At least that’s what everyone said.

“I see…” 

This explained a lot.

“Wait...no...Mikasa I was joking…” He explained with a slightly sheepish if strained smile.

“...oh...yes...I knew that…” 

His laughter rang out like silver bells and wind chimes. It was the sweetest sound she’s ever heard. But, that fact didn’t combat her growing embarrassment. Was she really so out of touch with the common man that she couldn’t tell when someone was joking? 

“Ah! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have laughed…” 

“I don’t mind. You have a nice laugh.”

Almost as soon as those words left her lips his face turned bright red and he directed his gaze towards his chemistry homework furiously filling in answers and writing down formulas.

A small smile tugged at her lips. So he could get embarrassed too. Good, that makes them even. 

“Oh… Armin I meant to ask you something earlier.” She confessed.

“What is it?” He asked curiously. His cheeks slowly became less red but his gaze still refused to meet her eyes.

“Do you know Levi Ackerman?”

He blinked.

“Yeah, he’s my brother’s boyfriend.” He replied.

She slowly leaned back in her chair. This slow lean back was the equivalent to her almost falling off her chair at the revelation. Were all blondes somehow related? 

“You’re related?” Her tone hadn’t changed but her question came quicker than normal. She was confused. 

"Well...not technically…” He drew moving his head side to side as if to say he was so and so related to Erwin.

“Stepsiblings?” 

“No more like pseudo-siblings.”

She let out a hmm in contemplation, her eyebrows twitching upwards for a split second still slightly confused but not vocalizing it.

“He was an only child and growing up he was always on a quest for knowledge. Always asking questions and finding answers. In that regard, we were similar as we both would rather spend our time discussing the mysteries of the world than playing red rover with the other kids. We got along well and I always looked up to him because of his confidence and assertiveness.” He explained.

Mikasa nodded in acknowledgment. 

He continued. “I guess he must have felt the same. He said I had great potential and that he felt that we were kindred spirits or something…Haha, I’m not going to lie he sure has a way with words and a flair for the dramatic.” 

“I see…”

“And I don’t want to assume but is Levi your brother or…?”

“Cousin.”

“Ah. What a small world we live in.”

“Indeed.” 

They stared at each other for a few seconds completely deadpanned and couldn’t help but let out a few giggles bubble up, seemingly laughing at nothing particularly funny. Mikasa was glad she came. She would gladly endure the painful awkwardness of social interaction if it meant she could continue to spend time around Armin. The blonde had a talent for making her feel giddy and acknowledged.

  
  



	12. Friends

It only took a few weeks for Armin and Krista to become an essential part of her everyday life. They were the first, not including Eren, people who called her their friend. Hearing them call her such a term made her incredibly happy more so than her face could express. She can’t recall the last times she’s ever truly called someone her friend. 

Over the course of those few weeks, they grew closer together. Their bond strengthened over time. They even went as far as sharing and trading their life stories. They told her of their struggles and joys in life and as they did she felt like she grew to understand them better and vice versa.

Growing up Armin was often the victim of bullying both physical and verbal, but mostly physical. The aftermath of every confrontation was often splattered bruises and littered scratches. As he spoke, while there was pain in his eyes he held no hostility towards the memories of his tormentors. Much to Krista's irritation. He was a gentle person, a passive intellectual that wanted nothing more than to talk things through. Krista on the other hand was more emotional, more active. 

Born out of wedlock from her father's mistress she was shunned the moment she was born. In all honesty, her even being born was a miracle in itself. Her birth would have been a scandal for the illustrious Reiss family and their large diamond business. Krista’s birth mother wanted an abortion. But, Rod Reiss either out of some vague form of responsibility or just pure idiocy rejected the idea and instead proposed the girl should be birthed in secret and given up for adoption. She was later adopted by Armin’s grandfather at the age of 5. 

At the time Armin had largely been raised by his grandpa as his wanderlust parents died in an airplane crash when he was very young. The two blondes instantly bonded over books and lack of parental figures. They both also loved their grandpa sharing a sense of gratitude towards their only parental guardian. 

Which is why they helped run the cafe as he was becoming frailer and frailer with his age. Armin actually lives with him on the second floor making sure he is taken care of. Krista meanwhile was rooming with her girlfriend, Ymir, in her apartment for a little over a year now but she visits often to help.

Mikasa in turn told them about the burglary incident and how Aunt Kuchel graciously took her in despite her fragile health. She spoke of Eren a lot too. Adamantly talking about how courageous and reckless he was and how he was currently in basic training. She did however leave out the part about them being on break.

She was still not completely comfortable telling them everything. She left out quite a few details about the burglary story too like how she and Eren murdered a grown adult in self-defense and the following paperwork and yellow tape they had to go through preceding the event. They seemed to understand her hesitancy though as they themselves also didn’t share  _ everything _ with her and she didn’t expect them to. There were still things she didn’t know about them, but for the time being this was enough. It was more than enough. She had people who genuinely liked her despite her inability to fully express herself. She had people who understood her, who were willing to hang out with her….

She had...

Friends… 

And they were such kind and generous friends that she couldn’t help but love them and want to protect them. 

“It’s so wonderful to hear that you have friends now.” Kuchel remarked happily.

Calling Kuchel to talk about her friends and life had also become a habit up to this point.

“Mmhh.” She hummed in agreement. 

“Well don’t keep them waiting. Go have fun.”

“Okay. Talk to you later.” 

After hanging up she sent a quick text to their group chat saying she would meet them at Sally’s Home Decor store. The monotone gray of the room she’s been staying in has finally started to get on her nerves. It was so plain and uninteresting. Her cousin had kept the guest room barren of any wall art or color. For a time she saw no need to change the room as it perfectly encapsulated what she was feeling when she first arrived but now....all this room did was make her sad. It was cold and gloomy offering no comfort or sense of familiarity or belonging... She’s made no real attempt to spruce up the place or add her own personal touches since she’s got here, but that was going to change today. Enlisting the help of her new friends she’s decided to finally decorate her room. To truly make it her own. 

“You off to see shota he-man again.” Levi derided.

“Don’t call him that.”

She hates when Levi makes fun of Armin. She hates it whenever anyone belittles him. She knows Levi simply does so out of a convoluted sense of endearment but knowing what she knows about Armin’s history with bullying. It simply rubs her the wrong way to hear anyone say such things about such a sweet boy. If she could she would find every single person who's ever laid a hand on her friend and break every bone in their body.

“I can’t call him coconut head anymore since he’s changed his hairstyle so what would you prefer I call him.”

She hummed in thought….

“...Angel…” Was what she ended up saying. 

That was the first word that came to mind as she recalls mistaking the Arlet siblings for angels the first time she met them. 

“I am not calling him, angel.” He replied with a sour expression.

“Ah, right you already call Erwin that don’t you…” 

“Say that again I fucking dare you.” 

“So prickly.” She muttered as she hurried her way out the door before Levi grabbed anything to throw at her. 

Finally entering the store’s front door she went to reach for her phone to text her friends that she had arrived. Before she could she heard Krista call her name. She raised her head to see the small blonde girl come running towards her looking like she was going to jump.

“Mikasa!” She exclaimed fully jumping into the taller girl’s arms. 

She was easily able to hoist the girl up in her arms. Krista had acquired the habit of just jumping into her arms every once in a while. She didn’t know why but she wasn’t complaining as she stoically held her up above her head like a baby kitten. 

“Hello, Krista. Where’s Armin?” 

Just as she asked she saw Armin jog up towards them.

“Krista, you have to stop doing that every time you see Mikasa.” He lightly scolded. 

“I don’t mind. I’m strong.” Mikasa stated.

“He’s just jealous Mikasa because he wants you to pick him up too.” Krista said with a child-like grin.

Armin’s cheeks began to flush and he silently gave his sister a soft glare.

Mikasa tilted her head.

“If you want me to pick you up too I will. I don’t mind.”

“N-no It’s…I..” He stuttered, not knowing what to say.

He looked at the ground shamefully… He  _ did  _ want to be lifted up but just because she was offering didn’t mean he should get his hopes up. 

“I mean...I’m probably too heavy anyway…so...” 

Ah. So he  _ did _ want to be lifted in the air. Without waiting for him to continue she gently placed Krista down and picked up Armin. While it was true that he was certainly heavier than his sister it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. She could carry Reiner if she really wanted to. Not that she would ever want to. 

“Up you go.” She announced as she held him high up in her arms the same way a parent did with their child. 

His face had completely turned red at that point. 

As soon as his face turned scarlet she immediately placed him down as a small panic overtook her. She recalls Eren’s facing turning that same shade of red in anger after getting picked up or ‘manhandled’. She probably overstepped her boundaries...She’s made him mad… He’s going to be so mad at her.

“Sorry.” 

He blinked surprised by her sudden change in mood… With an embarrassed smile, he decided to swallow his male pride.

“It’s okay…Krista was right. I wanted you to pick me up.” He admitted. 

It always looked like fun to be picked up that way…And after being on the receiving end he now knows why Krista always and quite literally jumped at the opportunity to be picked up like that. 

“It was fun…” 

He should have said that while looking at her in the eye but he couldn’t. Instead, he turned his face away and raised his arm up to cover the red of his cheeks. Quietly he whispered goodbye to his male masculinity...It was overrated anyway. 

“You’re...not mad?”

He turned to face her blinking owlishly at her question.

“Why would I be?” He asked slightly tilting his head. 

“I… Don’t want to overstep my boundaries.” 

He gave her a comforting smile.

“You’re very thoughtful. But don’t overthink it.” He said smiling at the irony of  _ him _ telling someone else not to overthink something.

Her lips quirked up at his praise.

“We’re friends so don’t worry too much about boundaries. If we don’t want you to do something we’ll tell you beforehand okay.” Krista said, placing a comforting hand on Mikasa’s arm.

“Now if you don’t mind can you carry me to the plant section, usually Ymir always offers me piggyback rides!” She asked sweetly.

Armin left out a small huff.

“You don’t have to do that Mikasa, Krista just wants to be spoiled. She can walk just fine on her own.” He said, ushering Mikasa to go further into the store. 

“What's wrong with that?” Krista joked with a sheepish smile. 

“If you keep this up Ymir’s gonna get jealous.” He warned.

Krista sighed knowing he had a point and relented.

Most of the plants located in the store were fake but that worked for her. She didn’t know if she would have the time to truly take care of them if they were living plants. Still she really did want some real ones. Luckily, there were one or two real succulents in cute little colorful, round pots. She immediately took them and placed them in the cart Armin provided.

“Hey, Mikasa look you can totally use these as flower crowns!” Krista exclaimed holding up what looked like a small flower wreath. 

She blinked and suddenly she saw her mother leaning overhead with a simple daisy flower crown in hand gently smiling down at her. Silently she leaned down for Krista to place the wreath on her head.

“It looks so pretty.” Krista complimented.

She felt a flush of warmth flare-up in her cheeks.

“Thank you…”

She looked down at the blonde in contemplation. Krista’s silky long blonde hair was just as beautiful as Armin’s and she can’t help but think the petite girl would look adorable in this ‘flower crown’. She took the crown of her head and gently placed it on Krista.

“Now it looks a lot prettier.” She blankly stated the blues and purples of the flowers complementing the girl's blue eyes and red cheeks.

“Geez if you keep that up Ymir might actually kill you.” She muttered with red puffed cheeks and a small frown.

“Doubtful.” 

She’s pretty sure she can take Ymir on. Not to brag or anything but she is basically a pro kickboxer.

“Let’s go find Armin and make him wear this.” 

“Let’s ask him to wear it.” Mikasa clarified not wanting to  _ make  _ Armin do anything he didn’t want to.

“He can’t say no if we both ask. How good is your puppy dog face?”

“...umm..”

In the end, Armin didn’t put up much of a fight. The moment he saw the two make their way towards him, flower crown in hand he simply sighed and crouched down so Krista could place it on his head. 

“Cute.” Was the word both she and Krista declared in unison and he hid his red face behind his hands in embarrassment.

“Stop it you know I blush easily. Come on let’s go look at throw pillows.” 

With that, the three set out to look for decor and tasteful Knick-knacks. 


	13. Making Plans

She stared into the grey void that was her room, heavy bags in hand. Armin and Krista had to go back to take care of the cafe so she was on her own. Levi assisted in bringing in a few of the heavy decorations but he did not do more than that. The lazy bastard was probably taking a nap.

In any case, it was time to decorate. First things first, she took out the small flower wreath that they had all worn as a crown along with its wreath hanger and placed it on the outside of her bedroom door. The wreath consisted of forget-me-nots, Himalayan blue poppy, blue bellflowers, and glory of the snow flowers all of which were fake obviously. She let out a hmm in contemplation. Idly she thought she really liked the color blue.

Stepping inside she placed her bags down and took out an ocean painting. 

_ “...It’s pretty…” She’s dryly commented. _

_ She’s never been to the ocean before but she’s always thought it was beautiful. _

_ “It’s even prettier in person.” Armin commented standing beside her to gaze up at the painting with admiration.  _

_ “I’ve never been.” _

_ “Hmm...Some day we should go. All three of us.” _

_ “That’d be nice.”  _

She took a step back to admire her handiwork. One day she’ll go to the ocean and maybe bring back some seashells. 

Taking her succulent plants out of their bags she placed them on her work desk. Afterward, she went and placed her fake plants around her room. One by her bedstand another by her window and a few in the corners of her room. She placed the white and grey diamond pattern rug down and took out the furry dull pink, grey, and white throw pillows from their bags.

_ “Mikasa, feel these pillows! It's like petting a fluffy cat.” Krista said rubbing her cheek against a pillow in awe. _

_ Indeed it was like petting a furry creature  _

_ “Do you like cats, Mikasa?”  _

_ “...I do.” _

_ “I really want one, but Ymir’s allergic.” She sighed sadly. _

_ “...What about a cat plush?” She offered after a moment of silence. _

_ “Mikasa you’re a genius.” _

She had actually gotten a plush cat for herself as well. It was a black cat with a red x for one of its eyes, a stitched broken heart, and a small pout. It was something teenage Mikasa, who was going through her edgy emo phase, would have absolutely adored. 

Next came the peach drapes, then the white lamp, two small ottomans, and various knick-knacks like a star-shaped clock and a bobblehead flower. Once she was done placing and organizing everything she took a step back and a single word flew through her brain: Home. 

She took a picture and sent it to her friends.

_ [Image attached] _

_ How is it? _

**Sent** 14:41

_ Krista:  _

_ It’s totally you! _

**Sent** 14:50

_ Armin:  _

_ It looks good. Still wish I could have helped out more  _ **_:_ ** _ / _

**Sent** 14:52

_ It’s fine _

**Sent** 14:52

_ You guys free next Saturday? _

**Sent** 14:55

_ Krista:  _

_ Sorry! Can’t make it. o(╥﹏╥)o _

**Sent** 14:56

_ Krista:  _

♥  _ Ymir and I are going on a date. _ ♥ (｡♥‿♥｡) 

**Sent** 14:56

Oh. That’s a shame. But that meant she and Armin could hang out. She’s been wanting to go see the new aquarium downtown and she just knows Armin will love it. 

_ Armin:  _

_ I was going to meet up with Erwin and some friends that Saturday. _

**Sent** 15:00

...Oh…

It shouldn’t be so disheartening to hear them both say they couldn’t hang out with her...She was a grown adult at this point so getting upset over little things like incompatible schedules was ridiculous….

  
  


But still… 

  
  


...It hurt…

  
  


It was like the world had given her a taste of what it was like to have friends. Gave her hope that she would never be left alone again. That they would always be with her. Only to have reality kick in and take that away from her leaving only the aftertaste of bitterness. 

_ Armin:  _

_ Would you like to come? _

**Sent** 15:05

She blinked. 

The corners of her lips wobbling up slightly into the faintest curve up. She briefly wonders if Armin had somehow known what she was feeling at the moment to suddenly offer her to join him and Erwin… She wouldn’t put it past him, the little psychic. And while it was great that she had the chance to hang out with her friend over the weekend...This meant she would have to share him with his ‘other’ friends and she wasn’t too keen on that idea.

Suddenly a thought came to mind.

_ Can I bring Levi? _

**Sent** 15:10

He responded a few seconds later with a casual ‘sure’ unaware that he was allowing her to fall back into some old habits. 

“Levi clear your schedule for Saturday.” She announced.

“Why the hell would I do that?” He growled.

“Because I’m your cousin.”

“Tch. No way am I gonna hang out with you or the pipsqueak squad.”

She rolled her eyes. Armin was taller than him for crying out loud.

“It’s just going to be me and Armin.”

She paused.

“And Erwin.” 

That caught his attention. 

“But, I’ll tell them you aren’t coming.” 

“I never fucking said that.”

“Oh.”

.

.

.

He sighed. 

“What time?”

That was way too easy. She thinks as she hides the tiniest smirk behind her phone.

But, what was she to do about Armin’s ‘other’ friends? She supposes she’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

* * *

Saturday evening Levi and Mikasa make their way downtown to Rhino’s Coffee which was the meeting spot agreed upon by everyone. 

Searching the hoards of hippy young adults and artistic teenagers she looked for the now-familiar sight of blonde hair. Unfortunately, Levi spotted him first and made a direct beeline towards him.  She doesn’t think she’s ever seen them actually interact before. Behind Levi’s grimaces and scowls when she mentions Armin’s name hidden deep within his angry squinted eyes is a certain fondness...Perhaps they actually got along better than Levi let on. This will certainly be interesting. 

“Oi, Krista rip off! Where’s Erwin?”

Nevermind. 

“Good day to you too, Levi.” He responded dryly, not bothering to look up from the book he was reading.

_ “Guns, Germs, and Steel” _ by Jared Diamond. Interesting. She wonders if he is taking a history course. 

“Hey, Armin.” She greeted him plainly.

Looking up from his book he directed all his attention to her and gave her his signature sunshine smile.

“Hey, Mikasa.” 

“Oi, smartass don’t ignore me.” Levi exasperated placing a hand on Armin’s head forcing him to look at the older man.

“You know Erwin hates it when you call me that.” He cooly responded seemingly holding his own against the small terrifying force that was Levi Ackerman.

For that alone Mikasa could say she was impressed. Armin may be the bravest person she knows. 

“Yeah, yeah. Where is that idiot anyway?” 

“That idiot is my brother and he’s getting me a coffee.”

“And your brother is my idiot. Why is he getting you coffee shouldn't it be the other way around?”

“He insisted.”

“Of course he fucking did.”

“Because he _loves_ me.” Armin continued innocently with a not so innocent smile.

Nevermind. Mikasa takes it back. He wasn't brave. He was suicidal. She moved forward so she could be in between the two, not so subtly shielding Armin from whatever Levi was preparing to do.

“You little…!”

“Oh, Erwin! Over here!” Armin suddenly called raising his hand high up in the air for Erwin to see. Levi froze up at the sound of the other man’s name and spun on his heel to come face to chest with his boyfriend. 

“Hello, darling,” Erwin said stepping back to offer up one of the drinks he was carrying in his hand.  “When Armin said you wanted to join us I was honestly quite surprised. But, I can’t deny it made me happy. Here I got you your favorite.” 

“...Thanks…” He quietly scoffed harshly snapping his head to the side to avoid looking at his best friend and lover. 

“Oh, hello you must be Levi’s cousin, Mikasa. Sorry I didn’t get you anything I wasn’t sure what you would have liked.”

She blinked

...He was so...gentlemanly that it baffled her how he came to love someone so crude and prickly as Levi.

“It’s fine. I don’t like coffee anyway.”

“If I may be so forward. You are quite beautiful. I guess it runs in the family huh.” He said slightly elbowing the smaller man who had taken his rightful place by his side.

She wasn’t entirely sure if that was a compliment for her or if it was a roundabout way he could compliment Levi. 

“Thank you. You look a lot like Armin. I’m surprised you aren’t related.” She stated blankly. 

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

“Mm…” 

She was unsure how to respond to that so she simply nodded her head. 

“Why don’t we sit down? We're still waiting for a few people. Now, Mikasa are you sure you don’t want anything?” 

She thought about it. If she got something that would mean Erwin would leave and if Erwin left one of two things would happen. Either Levi would get up and follow him or he would stay and continue bickering with Armin. It could go either way...Oh but the sudden smell of warm freshly baked chocolate chip cookies invaded her nose and suddenly all she wanted was to take a bite out of a gooey warm cookie.

She must have taken too long thinking about it because she was brought out of her intense thinking session by the graze of Armin’s hand. 

She blinked surprised by the contact. Armin wasn’t one who initiated much physical interaction; usually, it was Krista. But his message was clear. 

_ Don’t overthink it … _

...Right…

“I would like a chocolate chip cookie please.”  __

Erwin smiled.

“My favorite. All right I’ll be right back…” He paused, sending a pointed glare at both Armin and Levi seemingly telepathically telling them to not start anything while Mikasa was around. 

Mikasa took the seat next to Armin as she watched Erwin walk away. Armin quietly sipped his coffee. 

“I thought you said it was just going to be the four of us.” Levi scowled hissing his sentence in her ear.

She simply shrugged. 

Knowing he wouldn’t get much out of her Levi turned his attention to the blonde.

“You’re lucky Erwin likes you.” Levi declared sitting down in the seat across from Mikasa.

Armin smiled. 

“Not just likes me, he  _ adores  _ me, I think it’s because I’m so adorable.” He stated; using the opportunity to rest his head on Mikasa’s shoulder. 

Reflexively she stiffened and she could see Levi’s left eye twitching slightly.

….This….

This was definitely a new side of Armin she’s never seen before. His words were sharp and pointed but never fully hostile. His actions were fluid but calculated and deliberate. His eyes sharp and focused honed in on the person in front of him carefully observing with mirth. 

“Isn’t that right Mikasa?” He asked, turning his gaze to her.

She wasn’t used to this Armin...and she hesitated to answer… This was all new for her...

“Mm…” 

Underneath the table, Armin slipped his hand into hers and she briefly short-circuited only noticing the piece of paper when he pulled his hand back. 

A note.

She unfolded and quickly tried to read it without being too obvious. Her poker face was really coming in handy. The note read:

_ Feel like teasing? _

A light bulb lit up.

So that was his game… But, should she really- 

Oh, who was she kidding? She wasn’t above teasing Levi. 

“I think Armin is just as handsome as Erwin.” She replied smoothly.

She could feel the heat radiate off of Armin’s cheeks when she said that and a small smile tugged at her lips. This was a win-win situation for her. Fluster Armin and Tease Levi. 

“Does your dumbass need glasses now?” Levi bemused with a scowl appalled by her statement. 

“They are very similar looking. So if you find Erwin attractive you must think the same of Armin.” She reasoned. 

“Levi, do you think I’m attractive?” Armin asked with real flushed cheeks but a fake bashed smile.

“Kid, you aren’t my type.”

“But isn’t your type blondes?” Mikasa questioned.

“Is it?” Armin parroted back curiously. 

“I don’t like little shit heads like you regardless of hair color.”

“Well, I think you're handsome.” Armin declared his blue eyes staring directly into Levi’s, unwavering. 

“Yeah well get in fucking line.” He scoffed leaning back on his chair. 

“You would be even more handsome if you weren’t so rude. Cute even. That’s what Erwin tells me anyway.” Armin continued with a pout.

The look on Levi’s face was priceless. His jaw was clenched tight as he began tapping the table with his finger to expel his overflowing annoyance. Eyebrows furrowed slightly and twitching downwards, lips scowling, veins pulsing, just on the verge of snapping his pale complexion becoming rosy in color. 

Suddenly the tapping stopped. His composure came back and with a frightful look, he smiled. Seeing Levi smile sent a chill up her spine and not the good kind. 

“Is that so… Armin you said you think I’m handsome, right?”

She could see Armin flinch back shrinking away almost immediately. 

“So if we go by you and Mikasa’s logic. If you think I'm handsome then by extension you must think Mikasa isn’t so bad either right?” He drew.

The result was instantaneous. 

Armin’s face became a bright red as steam poured out from his ears, his whole body slightly jumping up from the shock as he moved far away from Mikasa’s touch. His brain tried to come up with something to say but in it’s overheated state all that could come out were sounds and syllables that barely formed any coherent words with how hard he was stuttering. 

God, that was adorable. Flustered Armin was one of her favorite Armins. 

“I win.” Levi cooley remarked leaning back on his chair was a shit-eating grin.

Armin merely groaned laying his head on the table and shielding his red face with his arms.

“I was so close to…” He grumbled in utter defeat. 

“Get good punk.” 

She tilted her head slightly. But, before she could say anything though Erwin returned with her cookie. Erwin glanced at the now flustered Armin and let out a sigh.

“Levi what did you do?” 

“He started it.” 

“And you did nothing to stop it. If anything you enjoyed it didn’t you?” 

“Shut up.” 

“I apologize for my brother’s and boyfriend’s childish behavior.” Erwin proclaimed with a frown as he gave her, her cookie. 

“S’fine. It was kind of funny.” She confessed before taking a bite of the cookie.

“I don’t really understand what’s so fun about their little teasing game...In any case, Armin it’s almost one. Are your other friends still coming?”

Slowly peeking up Armin gave a small nod. 

“Marco just texted me they’ll be here in a couple of minutes.”

Mikasa’s high spirits were slowly brought down to reality and the joy in her eyes visibly dissipated. 

That was right he had other friends… He didn’t really need her here...In fact, he probably didn’t want her here. She just sort of inserted Levi and herself into the situation, forcing her way in like she always does….He did offer her to join them, but that was most likely done out of pity more than anything else. 

“...Mikasa…?”

“Hmm..”

Resting his head on his arms he was fully staring at her with a concerned expression. Before he could say anything more a new voice called out to them. 

“Armin!” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while but it's getting increasingly harder to continue writing and I've been finding myself start-up drawing again. I do want to finish this story but I just think updates will be slower. Hope you enjoyed reading and stay safe! :)


	14. The other friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!!! I'm back! Hope you had a Happy New Year! Writing is hard but hope you enjoy and thank you for your patients <3

Three strangers were suddenly making their way towards their group. The one who had called Armin’s name was a freckled boy with black slightly parted hair. Accompany freckles was a slim guy with a crew cut who casually wrapped his arm around Armin’s neck pulling him closer to him. Bounding right beside this new stranger was a girl with short brown hair in an asymmetrical bob, her light brown eyes meticulously scanned the table as if searching for something until they locked onto the cookie Mikasa currently had in her hand.

Her brown eyes flickered up to Mikasa’s face as a drool-y smile spread across her face before looking back down at the half eaten cookie with hunger.

“Are you gonna eat that?” She asked, leaning over the table. Her hands nervously held up in front of her akin to a dog begging for a sneaky treat from the dinner table.

Instead of responding Mikasa simply lifted her cookie up to show the girl that it was already bitten into. The girl must have misunderstood her gesture because she was practically beaming now as she nervously reached over for the offering. Before she could take it though Mikasa quickly shoved the rest of the cookie in her mouth. The girl let out a small wimpier and deflated in dejection. 

Armin and the two other strangers stifled a few wayward giggles clearly already used to the brunette’s antics.

“Ah! Sorry Mikasa. This here is Sasha. She  _ really _ loves food...” Armin introduced.

She curtly nodded refusing to break eye contact with this Sasha. She stared at the other girl with pure ferocity in her steely eyes. Finally Sasha broke eye contact and according to dog law that meant Mikasa had properly showcased her dominance. In some weird way that was oddly comforting. 

“Dude! When you said you were friends with the Legendary Asian Goddess I was so sure you were lying.” Crew cut exclaimed with disbelief written all over his face, his arm still wrapped around Armin.

A prickling sensation arose at the sight of his arm thrown so casually over Armin’s shoulder in complete disregard for the blonde’s personal space. She could feel a swell of irritation start to form in the pit of her stomach. Armin wasn’t one for PDA. The only reason he was so touchy feely with her just a little while ago was because he knew it would get a rise from Levi. The only person she’s ever seen him be physically affectionate to was Krista, but that was different. They were siblings and such closeness was to be expected. 

This guy wasn’t a sibling, so why did he seem so comfortable having him so close? 

What was the difference between her and him? Could it be that they were simply closer?

But, weren’t they friends also? 

Weren’t they just as close? 

Why didn’t Armin treat her like that?

It wasn’t fair!

_ Have you ever even tried to be physically affectionate towards him? _

Her negative and slightly possessive thoughts suddenly came to a screeching halt.  She paused to think…Sure she didn’t mind the physical closeness as evident by how she let Krista hug and touch her, but she’s never tried to initiate it herself. She’s never made an effort to be physically close with Armin. A wave of embarrassment overtook her feelings of jealousy.  She assumed he didn’t like PDA and he in turn assumed she didn’t like being physically affectionate with guy friends. What a mess, here she was getting jealous over some platonic touching when Armin would probably be more than glad to indulge her need in skinship if she asked…

But she would still like for the Crew cut guy to stop holding him.  As if sensing her discomfort Armin slowly pried the other man’s arm off with a sheepish smile. 

“The legendary Asian Goddess has a name you know.” Armin commented with a playful smile in an almost motherly tone.

The boy flushed slightly as he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment with a grin.

“Right, right! Well Mikasa you just met my food addict girlfriend Sasha. My name’s Springer. Connie Springer.” He greeted with exuberance holding his hand out as a friendly gesture. 

She shook his hand making sure to use a tight grip.

“Ackerman. Mikasa Ackerman.”

“You have quite the grip there, Mikasa!” He casually remarked with a carefree smile. 

She nodded in lieu of answering him.

“Oh! And the quiet freckled guy is Marco.” He said jabbing a finger behind him.

The black haired man behind him, Marco, offered a nice smile and waved happily to her. She simply stared at him in response refusing to return the gesture.

“Do you morons have a good excuse for being late? You made us wait.” Levi demanded.

“S-sorry, it was my fault my car was having some issues.” Marco responded nervously with a sheepish smile.

“Then get a new one.” Levi quipped back. 

“Definitely will sir!”

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Levi…” Erwin warned. 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be on my best fucking behavior.”

“I appreciate it. Now let’s be on our way.”

“Hmm where is it that we’re going again?” Mikasa bemused.

“Oh, didn’t Armin tell you?” Erwin asked.

She shook her head.

“I didn’t ask him.” She responded.

“I would also like to know where the fuck we’re going.” Levi interjected, shooting a tired glare at Mikasa.

“Wait, wait you're telling me you just decided to tag along without knowing anything about where we were going?” Connie exclaimed.

She felt a bit sheepish now that he said it that way… She really only wanted to spend some time with her friend regardless of what they ended up doing. Not that Connie needed to know that so she simply nodded at his question.

“You're so cool.” 

She didn’t get what was so cool about it. She chose to ignore him and turned over to Armin.

“Where will we be going?” 

He took a second to answer intently looking at her with his piercing blue eyes and she could barely suppress the shiver that ran through her body when he studied her so openly and intently like this. It felt as though he were peering into her very depths looking past the various layers of indifference she set up. 

“There’s going to be a multicultural event held at the World Heritage museum uptown the one right by the planetarium.” 

“It’s on Roseway  Boulevard  but Connie and I call it the smart people street!” Sasha interjected with a goofy smile as if what she said were truly funny. 

“I see.” In truth she wasn’t familiar with that area, but a multicultural event sounded nice. “That sounds fun. Let’s go.”

“Agreed let’s get this over with.” Levi grumbled already making his way out the door dragging Erwin behind him.

“Hey, wait for us!” Connie called grabbing Sasha by the hand and jogging after the two men. 

“Well, we better get going before we get left behind.” Marco commented with a smile offering Armin his hand to help him up.

“Yes, let’s go.” Mikasa stated, quickly standing up from her seat and taking Armin by the hand to lead him away.

Marco flinched back in surprise at her sudden action. With a confused smile he nodded and quickly walked away to join his other two friends letting Armin and Mikasa lag behind. 

_ This is perfect _ . She thought. Her and Armin would be able to stay together and hang out near the back of the group while Erwin coupled with Levi and the others formed their own little trio.

“Mikasa, wait.” Armin whispered once they finally caught up with the group pulling his hand out of her grasp. 

“Is something wrong?”

“I should be asking you that.” He quipped back with worried eyes.

She tilted her head.

“I’m fine.” She answered truthfully…

He didn’t look convinced. He slowed his pace. They could still see the group but were a good distance away from them.

“Mikasa...at the cafe you were acting a little bit...defensive… Is meeting all these new people at once making you feel uncomfortable?” He asked.

She pondered his question. It wasn’t so much that. It was more that with so many people present she would have to share Armin’s attention...No not even share it she would flat out lose it because compared to the goofy lovable Sasha, the kind and gentle Marco, the intellectual and perfect gentleman Erwin, and the outgoing fun loving Connie she was boring and quiet...She would fade away into the background and be forgotten, thrown aside like an old doll. 

“No.”

“Then what’s wrong. You can tell me.” He pleaded, hesitantly reaching over to touch her arm.

She clenched her jaw debating over if she should confess her feelings.

“I…” She paused… “Will...you be angry with me?” She asked instead the slightest hint of worry expressing itself through her furrowed brows.

“...Honestly….I might...But even still I want to know, I want to understand. I promise I’ll withhold my judgment until you’ve finished explaining. I’m sure you had your reasons. We can work things out.” He said with a gentle smile his hand finally coming into contact with her arm to offer her comfort.

His touch was soft and light but it was warm and reassuring. She wished he would do this more often.

“Okay...I…”

.

.

.

“Take your time…”

“I don’t hate them, but I don’t care much for them. I just wanted to spend more time with you.” 

He hummed and nodded his head in understanding urging her to continue.

“You’re  _ my  _ friend and I don’t want to share you with anyone else.” She confessed and finally saying her thoughts out loud left her mouth tasting bitter. 

She didn’t like the way that sounded and the way he bristled, retracting his hand and by extension his warmth made her panic. She snapped her head towards his direction scanning his face for answers.

“I’m sorry.” Is her automatic reply as something akin to fear took hold of her heart.

“I’m not just  _ your _ friend.” He said, completely ignoring her apology.  “I'm not yours period. I have other people I care about and I’m allowed to have other friends. Me, caring about other people doesn’t mean I’ll care about you less.”

“You’re mad.” She observed eyes storming with negative emotions as his words flew right over her head. 

She could feel her heartbeat irregularly in her chest. The insistent pounding made her chest ache.

He shook his head.

“No...Just disappointed.”

Her heart stopped beating. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. The ground was unsteady and the unnaturally high amounts of adrenaline in her system left her body in shock. The world was breaking apart into shards of glass as her head began to spin obsessing over the two words Armin said. Repeating them over and over again in a dissociated loop...She hadn’t even realized she stopped walking.

“Mikasa?”

“I-I’m...sorry…” She mumbled her lips slightly trembling as her body remained frozen and rooted to the ground and yet it felt like she was spinning completely out of control thrown off kilter.

She didn’t know what to do when someone was disappointed. If he were angry it’d be easier. She knew how to deal with someone when they were angry with her. She’s had lots of practice with Eren but she had no clue what to do when someone was disappointed with her. No one’s  _ ever _ been disappointed with her. She's made sure of it.

“Mikasa...I don’t need you to apologize.” He cooed looking at her with gentle blue eyes. Speaking in a low soft tone of voice that tenderly eased her nerves.  “I need you to do something about it.” He continued as he slowly entangled his hand in hers lightly giving it a reassuring squeeze and suddenly she could breathe again. 

“I really like being your friend. You’re such a great person and it’s a miracle you even consider hanging out with someone like me….but if you want to continue being my friend you have to learn to get along with my other friends. Seeing you treat them so coldy really hurt me. I want you to be able to get along with them because the truth is Mikasa people need people. You can’t just rely on one person for everything.”

“...I just don’t want to lose you…You’re the first person to call me their friend....” She mumbled as she kept her gaze on their interlocked hands lovingly running her thumb over his knuckles in search for more comfort.

“You can’t let your fear of losing me stop you from making connections with other people. You can’t keep isolating yourself like that Mika.” 

Her head jerked up at the sound of her nickname and she stared at him with wide eyes, her face flushing...He’s never called her that before.

“O-oh uhh… I’m sorry I didn’t mean...umm I…That was out of bounds! Sorry! ” He backpedaled quickly letting go of her hand. His face was flushed and he nervously shifted his gaze away from her, his blue eyes swimming in embarrassment. 

She moved without thinking. Embracing the smaller male in her arms as she brought him closer to her. She rested her chin on his shoulder and simply held him there enjoying the feeling of his soft hair and the beating of his heart. In the far back of her mind she made a note that he smelled of sea lavender and caramel. It was sweet and comforting and she could stay like this forever.

“Thank you.” She whispered as a relieved smile found its way onto her face.

Just as she was falling apart. Just as she was regressing back to her old ways submerging herself into the black torrid waters of insecurity and fear he managed to pull her out providing her safety from the waves of negative emotions and thoughts. She could still feel the tendrils of doubt and anxiety curl around her ankles but for now they remained at bay allowing her to bask in the safety and warmth of her friend. 

Slowly he reciprocated the hug and she could feel the last bit of adrenaline leave her body as she let out a content sigh.

“Anytime.”

Slowly pulling apart she shyly looked down at him and with a sheepish voice she said.

“I’ll try and get along with them...I’m sure they’re good people…”

He instantly brightened up his eyes glimmering with joy as a stellar smile spread across his face intimating rays of warmth and light like the first rays of sunrise. He was radiant.

“Thank you Mikasa! You won't regret it, I’m sure you’ll love them!” He proclaimed.

  
  
  
  


“Armin….”

“Yes…?”

  
  
  


“Where are the others?”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“...oh crap…”


End file.
